The Phoenix

Monday, August 24, 2009

Love At First...Ride? (Object of Her Desire Part Deux)

Last summer, I brought you a story about that crazy lady that married the Eiffel Tower, and afterwards legally changed her name to Mrs. Erika La Tour Eiffel. She suffers from Objectum-Sexual Disorder. And as you can tell from the name, it's a rare psychological disorder that makes you want to hump inanimate objects.

Okay, so I'm over-simplifying here. But that's really what it is.

So here's another strange case: meet 33 year-old Amy Wolfe of Pennsylvania. She's in love with an amusement park ride called 1001 Nachts. And she is going to marry it.

Ms. Wolfe has been in love with 1001 Nachts for over 10 years and has ridden it at least 3,000 times. The 80 ft. gondola ride that swings you up and down and all around like you're riding a giant pendulum has been the object of Ms. Wolfe's desire ever since she first rode him when she was 13 years old.

"I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally," Ms. Wolfe says - referring to the ride as "him." "I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we'll be together forever."

Forever? Well...maybe until the state inspectors declare "him" unsafe for riding.

Ms. Wolfe currently lives 160 miles away from Knoebels Amusement Park where her soul mate is stationed. So in the meantime, she keeps a picture of 1001 Nachts taped to her ceiling above her bed (ewwww).

She also keeps 1001 Nachts' spare bolts and nuts in her pocket.  Seriously.

Amy plans on changing her last name to Weber, the manufacturer of the 1001 Nachts. And when asked what she sees in the amusement park ride, she replied:

"He's so noble, so proud, so strong. I love him as a mate. I love him for the elegant lines of his gondola."

Good grief.

I have one question for Amy Wolfe, soon-to-be Amy Weber...does she get jealous when other people ride "him?"

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Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

It's freaking me out that these are all women who seem to have the disorder. Seriously, Ms. Eiffel Tower and Ms. Vibrating Coaster, you're not making our team look good.

8/24/2009 12:17 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Men wanting to hump anything...not much of a disorder for my team, WG.

8/24/2009 12:44 PM  
Blogger BrianAlt said...

I knew about this story already, but I hadn't seen the pictures. Not to be rude, but...

...that's a woman?

8/24/2009 3:15 PM  
Blogger Phats said...

I saw this story too and thought it was nuts! I can't remember where I saw it though but they were kind of mocking her, and saying they would no longer ride that ride because she might come after them like fatal attraction haha

8/24/2009 5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So that's what I'm doing wrong. I'm not chasing inanimate objects. -smacks forehead- Silly me.

8/24/2009 8:40 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

Yes, I want to know if she realizes how many people have ridden him...

8/24/2009 9:57 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

BrianAlt: My thoughts exactly. She's probably a lesbian and doesn't now it.

Phats: She'll chase them and kill them in the Fun House!

Jenn: Make sure you get a tetanus shot first.

Angel Jr.:Yeah, she has to share "him" with everyone. I wonder if she feels taking a spin on the Merry Go Round is like cheating on him.

8/25/2009 9:24 AM  
Blogger Mr. Shife said...

There are some weird folks out there. Sweet sassy molassey. And how can these people legally marry an object? Can they really do that? These people are already nuts so it would be fun to send them letters or emails from the objects of their affection.

8/25/2009 11:19 AM  
Blogger delmer said...

If that ride does for her what the Viking Ship at Kings Island does for me, I understand her infatuation.

Honestly, if the Viking Ship ride lasted just a few moments longer I'd need a nap each time I got off it.

8/26/2009 9:52 AM  
Blogger The Egg said...

I live near Knobel's! Never heard about this story. And I thought I was a nutjob:)

9/03/2009 12:25 PM  

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