The Phoenix

Monday, August 31, 2009

Internet Addict? You Have a Place to Go

"Internet Addiction" might not be a recognized disorder by the American Psychiatric Association, but a new clinic recently opened - a clinic that helps people "unplug." If you, or someone you know, is addicted to getting online, they can go to The Heavensfield Retreat Center in Fall City, WA and enter their reStart program.

They've created a little quiz to self-diagnose yourself of this horrible addiction. I decided to take some liberties with their questions and infuse it with my own questionnaire. I take my inspiration from Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..." jokes.

You might be an internet addict if...

1) You dropped cable or dish service because YouTube is all you need.
2) You actually say L-O-L instead of laughing or I-D-K instead of saying "I don't know."

3) You've ended a relationship via Twitter, Facebook, a chatroom, or plain e-mail.
4) Everything in your garage, living room, and bedroom has been purchased from
5) You have gotten into at least one argument at a Panera Bread over access to the outlet for your laptop.
6) You actually wish you could just press Ctrl, Alt, Delete in real life.
7) You can't program your VCR's clock, but you can set up a wireless network in your house.
8) You asked your lawn boy if he accepts Paypal.

9) You've actually set up a web page for your pet.

And finally, you might be addicted to the internet if...

10) You named your child "E-Bay."

By the way, to enter the clinic's reStart program will only set you back $14,500.

For half that, I will come to your house and kick your ass every time you turn on your computer.

For those with a real addiction to the internet, this program uses various successful methods in breaking that addition. The treatment focuses on the patient living real life, doing activities that don't include the internet. Internet use during treatment is a big no-no.

For more information on the reStart internet addiction recovery program, you can visit their website at:

You can also check out their blog at

Or you can visit their Facebook page at

Or you can visit their Twitter page at

Or you can go their YouTube channel at

So get online to learn more about reStart's internet addiction recovery.

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Blogger BrianAlt said...

I'm addicted to overpaying for services I don't need. I'm SO going!

8/31/2009 8:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the irony of all their links.

While control-alt-delete would be great in some aspects it smacks of PCs so I'll settle for a command-shift-Z and undo a few things.

8/31/2009 12:45 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

I think I might be addicted to the internet...but I can stop any time I want...I really can. I just am on here for the fun of it, really I am. I've got it under control.

8/31/2009 6:22 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I want my DVR's ten-second back button for real life. Or at least for the radio.

9/02/2009 12:19 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I'm not addicted to the internet... yet.
This post cracks me up. LOL! I have to say LOL instead of laughing tonight at dinner. My family will get a kick out of that.


9/02/2009 1:23 PM  
Blogger The Egg said...

HA great post! I'm slightly addicted to the internet. And yes, I just go to youtube for everything! So much for getting over a tv addiction...

9/03/2009 12:21 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

I actually watched Karate Kid II in its entirety on YouTube. So I guess that means I'm hooked too.

9/03/2009 2:49 PM  
Blogger Phats said...

haha I don't think I am addicted, although at times i'd like to do control alt delete!

Man my picks for the open at least women are going to shambles, what happened to both Dementieva and Jankovic they were playing so well this summer. Nice to see a young american woman though play well. I forgot about Sharapova she is definitely a dark horse

9/03/2009 10:28 PM  
Blogger Phats said...

How about Melanie Oudin?! I am officially on the bandwagon

9/07/2009 11:18 PM  
Blogger Mr. Shife said...

Oh the irony. That is too funny. I can't wait to see someone that is addicted to the Internet on an episode of "Intervention."

9/08/2009 3:52 PM  
Blogger delmer said...


A person could use that to buy a really nice computer and a fatter broadband pipe. That way they could get their surfing done in half the time and then get outside for some sun.

9/16/2009 10:25 PM  

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