The Phoenix

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Russian Gerbils In Orbit

What the hell is going on over there in Russia?

First, they claim the North Pole.

Then they test a Father of All Bombs and declare it the most powerful non-atomic bomb ever.

After that, they get real cozy with Iran.

And now, they're sending gerbils into space???

Maybe Putin should put his shirt back on and run his police-state country the right way (Putin - the other white meat. He's bringin' pasty back...yeah!).

10 gerbils were launched into space and will return after 12 days in order to test the potential effects of a manned space journey to Mars. There are special machines on board the space craft that will simulate daytime and nighttime conditions, and another neat gadget will clean their poop.

This experiment will enable scientists to determine salt exchange mechanisms in zero gravity conditions. I also strongly suspect Russian scientists just want to watch a gerbil poop while floating in mid-air.

Upon returning to Earth, several of these rodent cosmonauts will be dissected. I hear grilled gerbils taste like chicken. Scientists have sent chimps, rats, spiders, and all kinds of animals into space, but this is the first time gerbils have been sent. Many animal rights activitsts are protesting, but you can bet none of them are in Russia.

I hear Richard Gere is upset about this gerbil experiment, and is willing to plant a big fat kiss on Putin's left nipple to save the gerbils.





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18 Comments:

Blogger delmer said...

Is there a plan in place of any sorts that involves wrapping the gerbils in duct tape so they don't explode during rear ... er, I mean re-entry?

9/25/2007 9:25 PM  
Blogger Perplexio said...

So the Muppets were ahead of their time with their Pigs in Space segments? They were just a little misguided and should have gone the Gerbils in Space route.

If I were those Gerbils I'd be glad it's the Russians sending me up these days and not the Americans. NASA has had its share of bad luck in recent years. Not that the Russians haven't also had a few gaffes in their space exploration efforts-- but their goofs haven't been as recent.

9/26/2007 7:08 AM  
Blogger BrianAlt said...

SAVE THE GERBILS!

9/26/2007 1:07 PM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I am so embarrassed to admit this...but I'd gladly plant a kiss on said left nipple to save the gerbils! ;)

9/26/2007 2:01 PM  
Blogger Nessa said...

That Richard is so dedicated to peace.

9/26/2007 3:52 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

*gasp* *choke* Putin's LEFT nipple!?!!
But WHY!!??!!
Or am I missing the point.

I don't like gerbils.

9/26/2007 11:18 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

My niece has a gerbil. I don't think she'd like to hear that they are being sent into space.

9/27/2007 9:26 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

leave Putin aside...but I'd gladly receive a kiss from Gere!! and wud like to make it a longer kiss..LOL!

Keshi.

9/27/2007 9:22 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

perplexio: Thanks for reminding me about Pigs in Space ! I used to love those segments! :)

9/27/2007 10:14 PM  
Blogger Phats said...

HAHA I was going to make a Richard Gere comment before I scrolled down and realized you beat me to it.

Hmm don't they remember pigs in space hello classic muppets?! they survived

9/27/2007 10:51 PM  
Blogger DaBich said...

I'm with Keshi! YUM!

9/28/2007 6:52 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

Ugh... now all I've got in my head is a menage a trois image of Putin, Gere, and a gerbil in a space helmet. Thanks.

9/28/2007 12:20 PM  
Blogger KC said...

Gerbils schmerbils. Send them all into space. ;-)

9/28/2007 12:54 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Oh, the stories those gerbils can tell their buddies!!
Well, that is, if they get a chance to brag before they are sliced and diced and studied.

Putin seems kind of mean to me. I don't know what he's like, but I sure wouldn't want to cross him!

I'm thankful we don't have any pics of Prez Bush shirtless - not that I think he'd look hideous or anything. I just don't want the leader of the free world showing too much skin. It's just not dignified. I do think his chest would have more hair than Putin's though.

9/28/2007 1:27 PM  
Blogger mad said...

What the hell good are gerbils for anyway?

9/28/2007 10:13 PM  
Blogger Rocketstar said...

Nice, very nice. I love it. Figure out a way to get humans to Mars.

9/28/2007 11:19 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

And now a Russian woman has given birth to a 17 pound baby. Crazee!!!

9/30/2007 7:54 PM  
Blogger La Chanson de Phoenix said...

"He's bringin' pasty back"

Oh my... *giggle* That was golden.

I came here via Delmer's blog, I just happened to notice a phoenix on his sidebar.

10/04/2007 2:04 PM  

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