Russian Gerbils In Orbit
First, they claim the North Pole.
Then they test a Father of All Bombs and declare it the most powerful non-atomic bomb ever.
After that, they get real cozy with Iran.
And now, they're sending gerbils into space???
Maybe Putin should put his shirt back on and run his police-state country the right way (Putin - the other white meat. He's bringin' pasty back...yeah!).
10 gerbils were launched into space and will return after 12 days in order to test the potential effects of a manned space journey to Mars. There are special machines on board the space craft that will simulate daytime and nighttime conditions, and another neat gadget will clean their poop.
This experiment will enable scientists to determine salt exchange mechanisms in zero gravity conditions. I also strongly suspect Russian scientists just want to watch a gerbil poop while floating in mid-air.
Upon returning to Earth, several of these rodent cosmonauts will be dissected. I hear grilled gerbils taste like chicken. Scientists have sent chimps, rats, spiders, and all kinds of animals into space, but this is the first time gerbils have been sent. Many animal rights activitsts are protesting, but you can bet none of them are in Russia.
I hear Richard Gere is upset about this gerbil experiment, and is willing to plant a big fat kiss on Putin's left nipple to save the gerbils.