The Phoenix

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Big-Ass Rats

Florida and Hawaii lead the nation when it comes to having to deal with invasive species totally messing up the balance of their ecosystems. Non-native plants and animals can often devestate an environment, and government scientists are constantly waging battles against these dangerious invaders.

The Florida Keys are knee-deep in such a battle right now.

Federal and state officials are trying to completely irradicate Gambian pouched rats from the state. These are not ordinary rats. These damn things grow to the size of full-grown cats! Can you imagine a 9 pound rat running around your yard???

Holy crap!

These African rats are more than a pest - they could potentially be dangerous. They are responsible for destroying all kinds of crops in their native Africa. And they are mean sonsofbitches - they will bite. And because some moron was keeping them and decided to let them loose 8 years ago, government workers are setting toxic traps in an effort to completely destroy them.

"They're a big rodent. They're not particularly attractive. I don't understand why anyone would want them as a pet," Gary Witmer, a member of the US Department of Agricultrue said. "They're very messy animals."

There are a ton examples of other invasive species causing havoc to the native ecosystems:

When the Asian long-horned beetle infested Brooklyn, New York, more than 2000 trees had to be destroyed, costing the federal and state government more than $5 million. Chicago has had to deal with these critters as well.

Invading sea lampreys caused the collapse of lake trout and other Great Lakes fisheries, costing the U.S. and Canada $13 million annually to control. This eel-like parasite of a fish can kill up to 40 pounds of other fish during it's 12-20 month lifetime.

In Guam, the brown tree snake was accidentally introduced to its ecosystem. This Australian native has caused over 200 snake bites, 1200 electrical outages and the extinction of most native forest birds on Guam.

On the TV show The View, the invasion of the Rosie absolutely devestated the already established balance on the set. The Rosie created her own magazine, and then quit - with a $100 million lawsuit on her heels. She then produced a show with Boy George! The musical lost $10 million (duh!!!). And she has engaged in battles with The Letterman, The O'Reilly, The Trump, and finally, The Hasselbeck. Fortunately, she's left the show - but I'm sure this crazy lesbian will find a new home to destroy.

Hat Tip goes to Siren for this story. Have a story idea for a blog post or podcast episode? E-mail me at or leave a voicemail at 206-339-7125.

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Blogger Eve said...

I SO Tivoed The View every day to watch the drama. Rosie kicked it up and it was quite entertaining.

I'm actually sad to see her go.

Cool thing: this actually frees up more Tivo space... as now that shit will be SO PC and boring again... *yawn*

5/30/2007 9:19 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

She made the show entertaining. It's kinda like watching a car wreck, you just can't help but watch the wheels come off.

5/30/2007 9:55 AM  
Blogger KC said...

I've never watched The View, so I only know about Rosie's rants from what I see on CNN. I think she would be an exhausting friend. Too much drama.

5/30/2007 9:58 AM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Have you ever been to Florida in May or September during love bug season? I'm sitting here on a park bench even as I type this and love bugs are flyinh all around me...landing on my arms....crawling along my shoe....they're HORRIBLE (but at least they don't bite!)

Seriously, google them. Rumor was they were man-made bugs created by geniuses at UF but according to, that's not true.

Anyway, sometimes they swarm so bd that when you're on the highway, they sound like rain hitting your windshield...not only are they messy but their guts will eat the paint off your car if you leave it on long enough.

And now you're telling me I have to expect giant rats sometime in the near future? Greeeeeaaaaat! ;)

5/30/2007 12:49 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Rosie is too much of a loudmouthed hater for me.
I used to think she was funny. I liked her in A League of Their Own, but she has morphed into a very unlikable person. I have never watched The View, and I don't plan to.

Those rats are horrid!!!!!!!

The sound on my laptop is broken, so I couldn't listen to your last post. We have three other laptops in this house, but they are never here or available when I have time to go online. :-(

I only have seen one snake in my yard and that is MORE than enough for me!! I do not like snakes or insects or rodents. I like my pet turtle though.

Gotta go for now. We've got company this week.
Have a good day!

5/30/2007 1:15 PM  
Blogger said...

I read/saw something about pythons in the Everglades. A-holes who don't know any better get them as pets and when (SURPRISE!) they end up getting too big to handle, they just let them go.

5/30/2007 3:08 PM  
Blogger mojotek said...

I've seen a documentary about the brown snakes invading Guam. It's actually quite scary there. And that's no lie about almost all native bird species being wiped out.

Oh, and when did I miss your very own domain name? Am I just not paying attention these days?

5/30/2007 3:21 PM  
Blogger Grafs said...

Maybe we should export Rosie to Gambia in retribution.

5/30/2007 5:18 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

eeeeeeeeeeksss I hate em!


5/30/2007 8:46 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...


Rodents AND snakes?!?!?

Are you trying to give me a heart attack!

5/30/2007 9:01 PM  
Blogger The Egg said...

I'm afraid of rats! Eeeek! I didn't watch the feuds on The View. I don't think I could tolerate any of the morning shows. Give me Price Is Right!

5/30/2007 9:20 PM  
Blogger Haley-O said...

Those poor rats! they're cute.... And, yeah, Rosie had to leave -- didn't have to run like that, but it was beyond time....

5/30/2007 9:24 PM  
Blogger Rocketstar said...

Rosie, LOL!

The interesting thing about invasvie species is that in the end nature will always balance itself out. It may be at the expense of other species, but that's survival of the fittest I guess.

5/30/2007 9:30 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

We're dealing with a (small) invasion of the Australian Apple Moth in my county at the moment. Authorities are freaking out because this moth will attack all sorts of plants (other than apples) and no one wants it to get out of control like the Mediterranean fruit fly did. (No matter how metropolitan this area gets, at heart we're still farm country.)

An invasion of the Rosie would be much, though. I'd imagine we'd lose double the crops!

BTW, love the new URL!

5/31/2007 1:42 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

I love Rosie, but daytime television does't want 5-alarm chili, it wants applesauce.

5/31/2007 3:00 AM  
Blogger ozymandiaz said...

Come now, we all know that HUMANS are the most invasive and destructive of species and we weren't even introduced by the local species. We are only truly indigiouness to Mesopotamia and yet we are now everywhere. Plus, no process of extermination seems to be effective.

5/31/2007 5:38 AM  
Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Rosie certainly seems like an unbalanced ecosystem!

5/31/2007 7:39 AM  
Blogger Godwhacker said...

We have more then a few problems in Florida with non-indigenous plants and animals. There is also a plague of giant snakes and monitor lizards ~ as if the alligators and sharks weren't bad enough!

But hey! Leave Rosie alone! She has more cojones then most men on t.v.!

5/31/2007 10:07 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

Ewww, I don't like rats. Why don't they get the snake to eat the rat? But then again, what could they do about the snake problem?

5/31/2007 11:23 AM  
Blogger BrianAlt said...

It's all about natural selection. What if we tried to kill off the iguana from coming to the Galapagos?

5/31/2007 12:10 PM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Friggin rodents. Give me a 22 and there will be a lot fewer of them!!!

5/31/2007 1:06 PM  
Blogger Etchen said...

I read that those rats can swim long distances so they think that will leave the islands and come to the mainland. Ugh!

5/31/2007 4:07 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

You people are hillarious. I'm thinking we can invite all the rednecks from all over the country to come to the Florida Keys. Just provide the beer and the ammo.

There - rat problem solved.

5/31/2007 5:12 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Oh, by the way - Mojo, yes you're correct. I do have my very own domain now.

It combines two movie references in one: Blazing Saddles and Napoleon Dynamite.

5/31/2007 5:15 PM  
Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Australia's ecosystem was ruined by idiot European settlers who introduced enough foriegn wild life you screw a whole nation-island.

6/03/2007 4:09 AM  
Blogger cube said...

Good post. It wouldn't have occurred to me to mention Rosie in a post about invasive species ;-)

6/06/2007 12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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News: Video TV Avellino. Trasmesso in tutto il mondo.-

Per adesso e’ disponibile solo in italiano.-

L’Uomo Nero chiama Nessie il mostro di Loch Ness con il flauto

Video Nessie Inedito Quadro di MC ESCHER datato 18.1.1949
Video Nessie Unpublished Painting MC ESCHER date 18.1.1949

NESSIE Loch Ness Monster

Youtube :


Internet :

4/24/2008 8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NESSIE the Monster Of Loch Ness that appears from under the water of the lake With the sound of a flute, played by a black man without a face.

News: Video TV Avellino. Trasmesso in tutto il mondo.-

Per adesso e’ disponibile solo in italiano.-

L’Uomo Nero chiama Nessie il mostro di Loch Ness con il flauto

Video Nessie Inedito Quadro di MC ESCHER datato 18.1.1949
Video Nessie Unpublished Painting MC ESCHER date 18.1.1949

NESSIE Loch Ness Monster

Youtube :


Internet :

4/24/2008 8:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the Land of Janare ( Female Demons)

A journey into the secrets Irpinia

Amongst,legend,magic and mistery

By: Antonio Emanuele Piedimonte
A iourney that takes us into a mysterious past, through the ruins of the time
and of the men.
This book digs into old written and verbal tales, witnesses,books,articles
and other varias materials,from which have come out old legends,stories and
traditions,magic tales and strange reports,which, we,today,define as X-files.
The book takes us to see the Irpinia With different eyes,which is,the most
mysterious and aparted district of the secret Campania (Italy ).
The volume is a sort of an “initial way”, that does not offer solutions but
wants to dig into new wonders and desires such as getting into a car and drive
about to discover the 119 irpinia towns,through moonlight landscapes,places and
mysterious phenomenons.
Beginning from the unexplainable skull that can be seen in the eye of the
statue of the “Madonna of san Pompilio” ( from which the front cover has been
inspired), to the mummy of “zi Vicienzo” in Bonito,passing through the castle
of prince “Carlo Gesualdo”, on the traces of the ancient Gonza,to the infernal
corner of the mephitis,and the unsustainable glare of “mamma Schiavone” ehere
at her feet opens the secret garden of “ Virginio mago “ in Montevergine and
the mythical DRAGON in VOLTURARA.
Following trails of saints,devils,angels,monster,ghosts,warewolves, souls of
the purgatory and much more.
It’s a further occasion to discover the ruins of this mysterious past.that
hides ancient messages and connections,revealing the way to follow the symbol
and the myth.

ANTONIO EMANUELE PIEDIMONTE, is Napolitan (Italy) 44 years old ,
PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST essayist and photograpfer.He has written for the main Italians
dailes and periodicals. He is presently responsible of the edition of the
Campania of the “ city” , a free daily evening magazine of the “ RIZZOLI –CORRIERE “ GROUP.
His book is on account of the “Corriere” daily of the “Irpinia” edition INTRA
MOENIA,the stamping of the book was ended on November 2007,in care of Gangiano
Grafica S.R.L. of Naples.
The book contains 215 pages,the title “ Nella terra delle Janare “ on page
183 of the book is mentioned VOLTURARA IRPINA: the dragon and the rose”.
Antonio E. Piedimonte writes that Volturara would have been one of the cities
of the ( 12 Etruscans cities) of the Campania,after the destruction of Sabatia,
an ancient town of Irpinia,that was conquered by the Romans about 2000 years ago.
In Volturara there has been DISCOVERED AN UNPUBLISHED PAINT – WORK of the
GREAT ARTIST and ENGRAVER the Dutch Maurits Cornelis ESCHER, the paint-work
represent THE LEGEND of a modern Dragon, he too host of the lake, THE FAMOUS
MONSTER OF LOCH NESS.The editing of the “ Il Giornale di Polizia “ has often published articles on
the discovery, of this paint-work and of the Great artist and Engraver Maurits
Cornelis ESCHER- The Director of this Edition has also interviewed the
possessor of the this paint-work and also the Mayor of Volturara Irpina.And
finally,always in care of this edition, a Press Conference was held in AVELLINO
Where there was great interest from part of the Mass Media. –ByAnna
Paternostro President of National Associationof “Amici della Polizia”.She is
part of the editing staff of “Il Giornale di Polizia.-

1/06/2009 5:11 PM  
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1/19/2010 4:06 AM  

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