The Phoenix

Friday, January 19, 2007

Why Is Stuff Blowing Up?

Survival can be difficult on this planet. There's diseases, famine, war, and accidents. Recently, however, you can add one more way to get killed...stuff exploding. I'm not talking about IEDs or landmines either. Seemingly innocent activities are leading to people getting blown up.

The Dell, the Dell, the Dell is on Fiya...

Last Fall, Dell recalled over 4 million laptops because the Sony battery inside of them would just suddenly catch fire and explode. It happened right in the middle of some conference in Japan. Most recently, there's been a massive class action suit filed against Dell in Canada. They say that Dell continued to sell defective Inspirion laptops well after the company knew motherboards sucked donkey balls. Now, you know it's bad when you piss off a bunch of Canadians.

Can You Sear Me Now?

On January 6th, a California man suffered third degree burns when the Nokia cell phone in his pants pocket spontaneously caught fire while he was asleep. 59 year old Luis Picaso suffered burns on over half his body, and the chair he was resting in actually melted. Nokia engineers found that the charred phone still worked, which proves it couldn't have been the phone that sparked the blaze, which also caused $75,000 in damage to the apartment building. They say maybe Mr. Picaso had a cigarette fall into his pocket. Um, yeah right...they should just say that Mr. Picaso's pants caught fire after telling a lie.

Not So Smoothie

A British Smoothie manufacturer has recalled 100,000 bottles of its banana and strawberry flavored smoothie. They said that the contents have fermented, causing the bottles to blow up. Roger Sutton, a store keeper, said, "I heard an almighty bang from the fridge. It sounded like a gun going off. You could see the lid bulging with the pressure. When my assistant opened it, the liquid flew out with tremendous force – the spray went absolutely everywhere. It even reached the ceiling." The irony: The Smoothie company's manufacturer is Innocent Drinks.

Gardening Can Kill

The green thumb can lead to death. Who knew?

Alex Richards of Britain went fishing, and found a plant pot. So he brought it home and put it in his garden. What he didn't know was that the pot was actually a grenade. His mother saw it and called police. Luckily, no one was hurt, and Mrs. Richards discovered she has yet one more reason to keep calling her son a "dumbshit."

The bane of every gardener's existence is the pesky mole. So a 63 year-old German guy decided to rid his garden of moles once and for all. His plan involved a 380 volt cable, some metal spikes, and a deathwish. The man blew himself up, and the moles survived.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting stories all, but I was hoping for tales of spontaneous combustion. Got any of those? Or does that only happen in Dickens' novels?

1/19/2007 11:05 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

My head feels like it's going to explode sometime--does that count?

1/19/2007 11:10 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

"Now, you know it's bad when you piss off a bunch of Canadians"

BAH HA HA HA HA HA....oh shit, I have a Dell.

I wonder if its the shoddy testing industry does now days?

1/19/2007 11:44 AM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Hmmm, this odd number of strange explosions ... could it be the start of the aline invasion??

1/19/2007 12:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U efing crack me up! Just found you and plan to make you my mornin' read! -thanks

1/19/2007 12:23 PM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

How the hell was he sleeping to enable a cigarette to fall *into* his pocket? That makes no sense. But it does make me laugh....

1/19/2007 1:05 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

KC, one of my first posts was about spontaneous human combustion. READ HERE

angel jr., Yes. Or maybe it's a TOO-MA in your head.

jennifer, Make sure your lap top doesn't burn your lap.

david, Who is aline???

anonymous, Thanks for stopping by!

curare, I'm still trying to figure that out. Maybe I could re-create it and see if it really does start a fire in my pants.

1/19/2007 1:52 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

I feel I must point out that I don't think I have ever heard a British person use the expression :dumbshit"...

I had a Nokia cell phone which I ended up taking back to the store because it would get rather warm, I am glad I did now.

1/19/2007 1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Moles win! Moles win!

1/19/2007 2:11 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Apparently that man never seen caddy shack.....

Silly people, the rodents always win.

1/19/2007 2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stuff!

I only wonder why you couldn't find something about curry or fermented cabbage to include. Maybe the devastation is so complete that there's no story left to tell?

1/19/2007 3:00 PM  
Anonymous oceallaigh said...

You're not just going to Dell. They recalled a bunch of Apple iBooks and such a few months ago. Same battery, same outcome ...

Hey. Testing costs money ...

1/19/2007 4:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I guess that Picaso fellow really does resemble a Picasso now.

I don't see the problem with the grenade pot - - it would've made the flowers burst with color, and it would've only taken 4 seconds. Way more quickly than a chia pet.

1/20/2007 6:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha, fire.

1/20/2007 12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear gawd, what next? I'm glad i don't have a dell anymore ;)

1/20/2007 2:57 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

I know one: When General Mills first produced Yoplait yogurt in the US under license of the French company, no one told General Mills that you had to kill the yogurt culture before you sealed the cans or it just kept growing. They soon got call from supermarkets all over the country complaining about the yogurt hand grenades that were exploding in the dairy cases.

1/20/2007 4:06 PM  
Blogger LBseahag said...

why in the hell can't a nice explosion happen to someone right next to me? just for fun...

1/20/2007 11:21 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

My meat pie exploded in the microwave once. I was left with the empty pastry shell :(

1/21/2007 12:57 AM  
Blogger kim said...

I had a Naked fruit darn near 'splode in my fridge. The plastic bottle got really crazy puffy and it geysered when we opened it to drain it. It was kind funny since my husband got nailed and not me. :)

1/21/2007 6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My roommate in college freshman year brought homemade grape juice from home in a 2-liter soda bottle. One night it exploded in his closet. The juice dripped down to the room below ours. it also left a discoleration on our dorm room floor. To which we always sang, 'purple stain, pur-urple sta-ain!' It was 1985, Purple Rain was really big then!

1/22/2007 10:12 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

What's up with all these exploding drinks? Is it terrorism?

1/22/2007 1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was going to say, it's amazing how many people have commented on having experience with exploding juice bottles.

1/22/2007 1:28 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Spontaneous explosions. I wonder what it all means? (cue Twilight Zone music.)

1/22/2007 2:08 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Be sure to watch out for those exploding IUD's. Those things are killers!!

1/22/2007 2:09 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Exploding IUDs....yeah, that's gotta hurt

1/22/2007 9:05 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Damn moles.

1/23/2007 9:49 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

A friend of mine's grandfather chopped off a couple of fingers trying to kill moles. He had this elaborate plan involving the water hose and the lawnmower. Something about flushing them out on one end while using the suction of the lawnmower to suck the moles up into the fatal blades. But all he did was chop off his fingers reaching under an active lawnmower.

Duh. (And just for the record, this did not occur in California.)

1/24/2007 10:07 AM  

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