The Phoenix

Sunday, January 21, 2007

The Mighty Duck

First, I brought to you Mike - The Headless Chicken. That was an incredible story of survival, as Mike lived for 18 months after having his head chopped off.

There's a new miracle bird in town.

Last week, a dark brown duck was shot twice. The hunter then put the bird into his refrigerator, with plans of cleaning it and cooking it at a later date. The hunter's wife opened the refrigerator two days later, and the duck moved its head to look up at her.

The duck was alive.

You think it quacked, "Aflack!?"

After the hunter's wife picked herself up from the floor and probably changed her soiled panties, she ordered her daughter to take the duck to the animal hosptial right away. The young lady took the duck to the Killearn Animal Hospital near Tallahassee, Florida.

David Hale, a vet, gave the duck a 75% chance of survival, but she probably would not make it in the wild. "This shows how tough and adaptable wildlife are," Hale said. "This is an extremely tough duck with a lot of spirit to live."

You know, I can think of another "lame duck" that
has a knack for cheating death...

Why does Vice-President Cheney always look constipated?


Blogger Keshi said...

LOL inspiring ducky story!


1/21/2007 10:15 PM  
Blogger kim said...

I read about this the other day. I would FREAK OUT if a live duck popped out of my freezer.

My gramma once heard a weird noise in her bathroom. went in to find it, realized it was coming from the toilet. She lifted the lid to see what the problem was ans a really pissed off squirrel popped out of the toilet bowl. Again, I would FREAK OUT if a wet rodent jumped outta my toilet.

1/21/2007 10:29 PM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh my God...that is AMAZING! Such a sweet lucky little duck!

Personally, I would've turned around and popped some buckshot in The PK's ass and stuck HIM in the fridge for a few days...just to see how it made him feel.


Just kidding...;)

No, really...I'm just kidding!

Really I am! :)

1/22/2007 8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife told me about this duck yesterday.

Absolutely amazing, isn't it? When we hear stories of survival like this we're just so happy that we became vegans over five years ago.

Nice post!

1/22/2007 8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have nothing to add to this post, so instead I'll say...


I sure will.

1/22/2007 10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


We actually had a Canadian Goose wandering around a park here with an arrow stuck in it (either the neck or the chest - I can't remember). The goose wouldn't let Animal Services near it, happily wandering around as a living kebab.

Never did find out what happened to that goose.

But I'd so have a heart attack if the duck looked at me.

1/22/2007 12:20 PM  
Anonymous Bruce said...

I guess Daffy hadn't heard the phrase "duck and cover"...

1/22/2007 12:24 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

keshi, Thanks. I'm inspired to survive now.

Kim, The squirrel thought it was a jucuzzi.

Stacy, You're kidding...unless you're not.

Dan, I'm sure that genetically modified crops are just as safe.

brianalt, THANK YOU for reminding me. Geez, I totally forgot.

jenna, Canadian geese are vermin. Rats with wings. I hate them.

bruce, Is it Duck Season or Wabbit Season???

1/22/2007 12:49 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

They were planning on eating that duck in the first place, so I don't know why they didn't just chow down on it as originally planned.

That's SOME duck!!

1/22/2007 2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a real problem with animals so you have no idea how much these stories freak me out. :)

1/22/2007 2:43 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

So why did he shout out, "Affleck?"

Matt Damon is a much better actor; Ben is a quack.

-- david

1/22/2007 3:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's pretty impressive.

But what I can't figure out is...why did he put the duck in the freezer still covered in feathers?
Isn't that weird?
My dad used to hunt, and he never placed a whole, unplucked bird in our freezer.
Maybe it's just me.

1/22/2007 5:04 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...



1/22/2007 6:33 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

Do you think that people who survive eating horrible Peking duck at those corner Chinese restaurants can be considered fit for the wild?

1/22/2007 7:04 PM  
Blogger Zen Wizard said...

"Moderate contractile dysfunction of his left ventricle."

Or....was that a rhetorical question?

You can test your knowledge of Richardology HERE.

If I had as much money as Richard, I could grimace all the time and people would still like me.

D@mn I wish I was Richard Corey. I mean, Cheney...

1/22/2007 7:31 PM  
Anonymous oceallaigh said...

Well, I've heard of people behaving like a stunned duck ...

I've got a couple of duck hunters 'round here who would probably have a fowl word for that "clean it later" fella.

1/22/2007 8:30 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

I read about this and I WOULD have pooped my pants if it had happened to me! *LOL*

1/22/2007 9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Irritated Bowel Syndrome

1/22/2007 9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cheney's constipation is a side effect of his asshat medication.

1/22/2007 9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with tai and O C...that so called hunter should have a foul called against him and have to pay a penalty!

1/23/2007 4:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Apparently it was a peking duck. They just didn't bank on it peaking over the top of the Ben & Gerry's.

I say we pop open a bottle of Cold Duck and celebrate this mighty occasion.
As far as Cheney - because he is.

1/23/2007 6:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

7 Little ducks that I once knew
Fat one skinny ones fair ones too.
But the one little duck with the (bullet) in his back,
He lead the others with a quack quack quack.

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack.
He lead the others with a quack quack quack.

(I just felt like randomly breaking out into song. It happens a lot in my world.)

1/23/2007 6:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oops. please ignore my spelling errors. :) it's early.

1/23/2007 7:08 AM  
Anonymous stephanie said...

Um. Hunting. It's no good. That's where I'll end it.

1/23/2007 9:56 AM  
Anonymous stephanie said...

Oh, also, we dissected frogs in 7th grade and the next morning, we opened the fridge and, like, three of the frogs still had beating hearts. DISTURBING.

1/23/2007 10:01 AM  
Blogger Fated said...

I read that in the local paper here. Could you imagine??? That is one tough ducky!

1/23/2007 2:43 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Yep, I'm pretty sure I would have had a heart attack if I opened my freezer and poultry flew out at me. LOL!

1/23/2007 3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe he's got a couple pellets still in his tush.

1/23/2007 7:16 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Remind me to e-mail you my infamous fuck for a duck joke.

1/23/2007 9:48 PM  
Anonymous delmer said...

The VP may always look like he needs to drop a load but, I've gotta believe that after two days in the freezer the duck had crapped about 100 times.

My parents had ducks wandering around their property and they couldn't take a step without squirting out a poop.

1/24/2007 11:25 AM  
Blogger cube said...

That poor duck. After all it's been through, I hope he survives the infection & subsequent surgery.

RE: Cheney... umm, a lack of fiber?

1/24/2007 4:30 PM  

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