The Phoenix

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Oh...I thought you said she was allergic to PEANUTS

Many guys have heard these familiar excuses:

Not tonight, I have a headache.

I'm PMS-ing. Please don't touch me.

or

Not until you fix the storm door.

It seems scientists have discovered a new legitimate justification for women to reject our cassanova-like advances:

Allergy to SEX.

A recent study in Cincinatti of over one-thousand women found that 130 of them had an allergic reaction to sex. And by allergic reaction, I mean they had classic physical reactions to it like itching, burning, swelling, hives, and even trouble breathing.

"It's really a very rare condition, but it does happen," allergist and immunologist David Resnick at New York Presbyterian Hospital said. "Typically symptoms occur within 30 minutes of intercourse, but in rare cases it may be hours or even days later."

So what about sex are these women having these allergic reactions to? Are they actually allergic to the male penis? (NO, not peanuts).

No. These women are allergic to semen. (No, not seamen). Some of the women were allergic to the substances found in semen (i.e. their men ate something in particular or were taking a medication the women were allergic to). They found the semen-allergic ladies also suffered from more mainstream allergies like hay fever. Doctors believe it's a protein released from the prostrate gland that these women are mostly allergic to (human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity, or SPH).

"In most cases, symptoms gradually worsen and occur sooner with subsequent exposures," Dr. Resnick said.

OK, so what's a woman to do if she finds she's allergic to her man's semen? There are two courses of action:

1) Doctors can apply diluted samples of semen onto her vagine every 20 minutes. With each round, they would increase the amount of semen to get her body to desensitize her immune system. And who the heck gets to apply the semen? Does this method sound appealing to ANY woman alive anyway?

2) They can receive shots of semen over a few weeks, increasing the semen amount with each appointment. This sounds less dreadful than method #1, but how appealing is it???

I think Dr. Resnick forgot the third option:

Just tell your man you have a headache.

38 Comments:

Blogger goddess said...

Now this is an interesing post. I laughed out loud... literally.

So where do they get the semen used to overcome the allergy? Well... duh, I do realize where it comes from... but do they need to use different people's. Will one partner's cure the allergy or do they need multipl people's. And what do they mean by "apply to the vagina?" Is it like make-up and you brush it on or what? :p

11/14/2006 7:28 AM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

How HORRIBLE for these ladies (and thier men, of course). I'm not sure I want to know how the shots of semen are administered, though....

11/14/2006 8:10 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

So what if you promise to pull-out before ejaculating?

11/14/2006 9:14 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

goddess: I found the abstract to the doctor's article. The semen is indeed from the woman's partner. I'm just laughing thinking about how their men are having to give the doctor their "stuff."

curare: Shots of semen. Isn't that a hardcore porno title?

angel: Yeah right. Whatever.

11/14/2006 10:29 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

That would suck. But I guess in this case not literally!I would rather be allergic to chocolate.

11/14/2006 10:47 AM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

If the husband/partner actually cared he might just drop 5 bucks on a box of condoms.

11/14/2006 10:55 AM  
Blogger KC said...

I agree with anonymouscoworker... spring for a box of condoms and hope she's not also allergic to latex.

11/14/2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...

Gosh I am glad I dont have that affliction. :0

11/14/2006 1:48 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

hence Option 3, the mistress

11/14/2006 1:56 PM  
Blogger Cari said...

oohh

secrets out,,,:}

11/14/2006 2:01 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

mimi: a lot of women couldn't stand to be allergic to chocolate.

anonymous and KC: KC has a point, as latex allergies are becomming more and more common. Also, what does a woman do if she also wants to conceive?

pixie: I bet webpirate is glad too.

jim: you said it, not me!

cari: Just stick to the headache-thing.

11/14/2006 2:49 PM  
Blogger Grafs said...

I'm glad I don't have this affliction. Baby batter is better than horseradish any day!

11/14/2006 5:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

phoenix, you never cease to amaze me!! :+)

11/14/2006 6:33 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

That would TRULY be a horrible affliction.

11/14/2006 7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just learned something new. I'm not sure I wanted to but I did thanks for sharing lol

11/14/2006 8:17 PM  
Blogger Carmel said...

lol, I absolutely would NOT go for suggestion #1

11/14/2006 9:13 PM  
Blogger siren said...

Phoenix, obviously you meant to say that semen could be applied to the woman's vaginus. Vagine being the plural form.

Allergic to sex...hmmm. Sounds like some nasty rumor Oprah started.

11/14/2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger sammyray said...

Man, now THAT is what I call a nut allergy!!

Why do we need to call the scientific method in to solve this problem when we've had a working solution for generations: rape.

11/14/2006 10:01 PM  
Blogger Phats said...

haha funny post!

I thought i was the only one that got denied for not fixing the storm door

11/14/2006 10:16 PM  
Blogger Big Pissy said...

Let's hope this doesn't get out or some poor guys will never get laid! *LOL*

11/14/2006 10:49 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

never heard of anyone being allergic to sex..lol thats sad!

Keshi.

11/14/2006 10:50 PM  
Blogger KC said...

I just want to pop in here real quick and say "hi" to Siren. I haven't seen her commenting anywhere in a long time. Sure wish we could talk her into starting up her blog again!

11/14/2006 11:12 PM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Believe it or not, I had a friend from high school that had the allergic reaction to her husband! They did eventually adopt a baby, but I never asked how she handled sex :X

11/15/2006 3:47 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

grafs: horseradish...ewwwww

karen: I'm glad I could amaze you!

tai: That, or being born with a sword stuck to your head.

cherlee: I'm happy I could share a nugget of knowledge with everone.

carmel: I don't blame you one bit.

siren: I was going to change my typo, but now I'll keep it. Maybe I was typing in tongues, and Latin came forth. I'm so glad you commented here. I feel special.

11/15/2006 7:34 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

sammyray: "Nut allergy" was my original title for this post!

phats: Go go go fix it.

pissy: Right. They'll be labeled with "Toxic Goo."

keshi: I thought Hillary Clinton was allergic to sex.

KC: I'd say the chances of Siren blogging again are 0%

dabich: It's a major issue for couples trying to conceive. Scientists are trying to figure it out, but it's just not common enough to be a priority.

11/15/2006 7:37 AM  
Blogger cube said...

Fascinating. This is news to me.

11/15/2006 8:30 AM  
Blogger Mr. Friendly said...

Phoenix,
You're telling me this isn't psychosomatic? Are men allergic as well?

11/15/2006 9:26 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I can't believe I'm going to be the first one to suggest Option 69!

11/15/2006 2:18 PM  
Anonymous delmer said...

Does the semen have to be given as a shot? Or could it be taken orally?

(Has anybody else made this joke? I read through the comments ... but sometimes I miss things.)

And, was that 130 women out of 1000? That's over 10%.

Finally ... I didn't realize "vagina" would have a plural form. Wait, the person commenting said, "vaginus," which I didn't realize existed at all. Still, would it need a plural form as a woman would be unlikely to have two. Wouldn't she?

11/15/2006 2:19 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Ouch. What a pain in the ... well, wherever.

Thanks for bringing this public health crisis to our attention. Time for the Bill and Melinda Gates to work on this one.

-- david

11/15/2006 3:51 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

cube: it's fascinating, yet nauseating

mr. friendly: men allergic to another man's semen, or allergic to their own?

WG: GOD BLESS YOU!

delmer: "orally" hahaha. What's plural for "penis?" Peni?

david: I think Oprah and Stedmond should join the crusade as well.

11/15/2006 5:18 PM  
Blogger siren said...

Hi KC :) I know I haven't been around, but I am still reading everyone's blogs. Don't think I'll be blogging any time soon, though.

That was a joke(albeit a stupid one) about the vaginus and vagine; I was just giving Phoenix a hard time :)

11/15/2006 7:23 PM  
Blogger vani said...

what if its the other way around?is it still an allergy, or are there bigger problems? lol

11/15/2006 9:30 PM  
Blogger starbender said...

OMG- Now I have read everything!
S-C-A-R-R-Y! ...and I don't care for either #1 or #2---guess we'll just stay with the faithful headache excuse!
' ]

11/16/2006 5:38 AM  
Anonymous delmer said...

Siren ... nice job with the Vagine. You got me, for one.

11/16/2006 11:07 AM  
Anonymous mojotek said...

Those are the ONLY two remedies? Jesus, its like the man is screwed for life. Those are AWFUL treatment options. What woman is going to subject herself to semen 'injections'? And worse yet, letting a doctor apply semen directly to the vaginal wall?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if your woman is allergic to your seed, then maybe you're just not meant to be together in the long run.

11/17/2006 7:59 AM  
Blogger O Ceallaigh said...

Obviously this crowd is short on Latin scholars. Place needs more dead people to help us bone up on a dead language.

Plural of "penis", to Nero, was "penes".

Nero would have also been highly amused at "vaginus", since the "-us" ending of a noun practically always signals the masculine gender. His Imperial Highness would probably have exhibited the hermaphrodite in the arena, before throwing it to the lions.

If I'm a doctor, Phoenix, I give partner instructions and step aside. This assumes partner knows what he's doing. Which may not be a safe assumption, given the profound ignorance in the general population of the finer points of anatomy. See PROSTATE. :)

(PROSTRATE GLANDS, n. pl. Her breasts, in the missionary position.)

And Mojo, I reckon if she's allergic to yours, she's likely to be allergic to everyone else's, too. Poor chicka's just S.O.L.

11/17/2006 3:40 PM  
Blogger O Ceallaigh said...

POLYANDRY, n. Penes from Heaven.

Sorry.

:)

11/17/2006 3:44 PM  

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Welcome to the blog that aims to examine the lighter side of science. From the paranormal to wacky inventions, to strange mysteries and goofy experiments, I cover it all. Thanks for stoping by blazingtalons.com...where science is always stranger than fiction







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