The Phoenix

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Fathers Be Good To Your Daughters

Scientists have known for a long time that in the animal kingdom there's a strong link between chemical cues and sexual maturity. In rats, for example, if the biological father is removed from a family, the baby females will always mature faster. The longer the biological father is around, the slower the sexual development occurs in his daughters. This is an evolutionary tool to prohibit inbreeding.

But is this true in humans?

Researchers from Penn State believe this is so.

Recently, the phermone receptor gene in the human olfactory system that links phermones with the first menstruation (called menarche) has been identified. Doctors have always known there was a link with phermones and menstruation in other ways, however. For example, women in close proximity to each other (girls in college dorms, women at the office, etc.) will have their menstruation cycles synchronized. Strange but true!

The Penn State researchers collected menarche information from nearly 2,000 college students. They also took into consideration environmental factors such as living environment, education, status, and the presence (or lack of) a biological father.

"Our results indicate that girls without fathers matured approximately three months before girls whose fathers were present," Dr. Robert Matchock explained. There was also a direct relationship between the length of the absense of a biological father and the onset of menarche. The earlier Daddy was a no-show, the earlier the first menstruation arrived.

Maybe scientists can develop some sort of Daddy Phermone Release Machine. Wouldn't that be great? If the father isn't around, just plug in a machine that sends out the proper cue to slow down sexual development. There - problem solved.

Until then, I'll strap my daughter onto my back...


Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

This is kind of scary! Girls are already maturing earlier than they used to and now if the dads aren't around it speeds it up? My single mom friends aren't going to like this.

And what about workaholic dads? Does that speeds things up any? Maybe buying off their daughter's love with a new car because dad is never around isn't such a good idea.

10/04/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

Why did you blind me with a picture of Tony Danza?

What do the scientist think is the cause of father-daughter relationships in rural and secluded mountain areas?

10/04/2006 6:50 PM  
Blogger vani said...

we are investing in shotguns as we speak. :)

10/04/2006 8:31 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

**The longer the biological father is around, the slower the sexual development occurs in his daughters

My dad died when I was 16. so that must be why Im 'older' in my thinking? :)


10/04/2006 10:54 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

if I lived in Pennsylvania I'd want my tax money back

10/04/2006 11:18 PM  
Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I LOVED your closing line there, Daddy-O...;)

10/05/2006 6:40 AM  
Blogger Curare_Z said...

That "daddy phermone machine" idea is stellar. And I'm sure it will be a better seller than a chastity belt.

Something else that may work would be the "stinky kid machine." I mean, after all, who wants to get down with the stinky kid in class? :-)

10/05/2006 7:06 AM  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

I hated the synchronized cycle thing, more like vicious cycle to me!

10/05/2006 8:16 AM  
Anonymous delmer said...

I lived with two girls in college (please, folks, the Three's Company jokes all ran their course twenty-four years ago) and know their periods synced up. Not because they were particularly cranky at the same time ... it just came up in conversation and was an interesting fact.

10/05/2006 8:30 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Who even thought of researching this subject? Was it brought on by a late-nite episode of Jerry Springer?

10/05/2006 8:36 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

The syncing cycles makes things interesting. Imagine an entire girls' dorm floor or office PMSing at the exact same time.

Why does this happen?

Phermones. Plain and simple. The more you hang around other women for an extended period of time and and within a confined space, the chemical cues sync the cycles in order to even the playing field.

It served mankind well in early human history. A group of women all had an equal chance to get pregnant.

10/05/2006 9:05 AM  
Blogger grrrbear said...

True, so if you're going to keep women in captivity, be sure to cage them seperately - in order to prevent them from killing each other, right?

10/05/2006 12:22 PM  
Blogger KC said...

That same cycle thing happened here in my office for a long time. Until this year when perimenopause crept up on me. Now I've thrown the whole office out of whack!

10/05/2006 2:17 PM  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Funny, just an intial memory check of women I've known seems to fit this!

-- david

10/05/2006 4:09 PM  
Blogger Grafs said...

Wow I didn't know this. I know a good dad can do wonders for a little girl...Throughout her entire life.

10/05/2006 5:35 PM  
Blogger phred said...

So.. we are like rats ? No , just kidding.
I raised 2 daughters, I would hate to think what it would have been like if they developed faster...
They are grown and have children of their own now , ( HaHaHa )!!
I miss grabbing their bathroom door handle and getting stuck to it with hairspray residue.
Answer me this.. if you call it a permanent, why do you have to have it redone ever so often ??
Why would you spend an hour in the shower washing your hair and then get out and put a glob of greasey stuff in it ??
Every time I go in their old bath room and see the ''curling iron scars '' all around the sink...I think of them...

10/05/2006 7:59 PM  
Blogger Phats said...

I have heard this, For example, women in close proximity to each other (girls in college dorms, women at the office, etc.) will have their menstruation cycles synchronized. Strange but true! about women before. Interesting!

10/06/2006 1:16 AM  
Anonymous starbender said...

Well-That explains everything!

10/06/2006 9:47 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I'm kind of an anomaly on this one. My dad was and is a great dad who was always there for me, yet I started my "monthly" at age 9. I hope that doesn't mean I will have menopause early. YIKES!
Is that a new baby daughter you have? Just asking because I believe you mentioned once that your wife was pregnant.
Fathers and daughters have a special bond. Girls need their dads to love them and hug them so they feel special and loved and don't feel a strong need to get love from any guy who comes along.

10/06/2006 1:37 PM  
Blogger O Ceallaigh said...

Hmmm. Three months difference between daddy home and daddy gone? Since the "normal" individual variation in the onset of menarche spans something like eight years (from about age 8 to age 16), that three months is not a whole lot of difference. Surely not worth getting a backache. Especially if she's a whiner. Oh. That would be "earache". Sorry.

And there's one aspect of the synchronized menstruation that you neglected. Mothers and daughters. Teenaged daughters. Be afraid. Be very afraid ...

10/08/2006 3:16 PM  
Blogger Sar said...

So if hubby straps our two daughters to his back, how long will that stave off the synchronized cycles?

And thanks for the John Mayer earworm, Phoeniex. ;)

10/09/2006 10:30 AM  
Blogger Carae said...

Interesting... I'd love to research this more. I matured much faster than my older sister, actually hitting puberty before her though she's a year and a half older than me. Perhaps she had more of a connection with my dad? Maybe I'm just cooler than she is?

10/09/2006 9:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really can't stand that damn John Mayer song. It's so stupid. He's spouting of common sense in such a way that it's revelatory. Has a result it comes across as downright condescending. As if he's saying, "I'm telling you this in a song because I think you're too stupid to figure it out for yourselves."

10/10/2006 7:00 PM  
Blogger Cari said...

What are the hogans up there for?

10/11/2006 7:29 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Looks like no one figured out what all those pics I posted has to do with my post.

10/11/2006 1:19 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

Well this one sounds like a no-brainer.

10/11/2006 2:02 PM  
Blogger cube said...

I have 2 daughters and I want you to know I won't sleep tonight!!!

10/12/2006 5:11 PM  
Blogger Yawn said...

Pheremones are used by insects. Humans don't REALLY use them, and even if they are vestigial, where the hell's my vestigial scorpion tail, or my vestigial giant mandible that holds down a female's thorax whilst I slip her some fertilization? (Forget evolutionary ascendency and suspend disbelief for a minute.) But seriously, I am a non-believer in the power of not only pheremones, but pheremone cologne.

First off "maturity" is a poorly-defined variable here. I have never known a little girl to be "mature" simply because she started bleeding out. "Maturity" comes from other stuff. Perhaps girls with no fathers around are less apt to fear experimentation that would offend a father figure than those girls whose fathers would discipline them severely if they were to find out about some of the drug or sexual practices their children were engaging in. When the cat's away, the mice will play. Having experimented and learned, the bastard girls find themselves more equipped to deal with new situations from personal experience. Now we can explain "maturity." But that doesn't explain why they start the rag 3 months earlier.

It's psychosomatic, not pheremone-induced. Or maybe it's God. Whatever the case, I am completely against pheremones, their use, and even discussing them, because they are an absolute load of caca.

10/14/2006 1:35 AM  
Blogger Phats said...

By the way I have actually watched the hogan family reality show haha :)

10/15/2006 12:04 AM  

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