The Baby Whisperer
For many parents this is a desperate wish for their young child. Some babies scream all night, others refuse to eat, and then you have the "demon seed" kids that refuse to behave. The frustration is worse when the child is simply too young to talk and verbalize what's bothering him.
That's where Derek Ogilvie comes in.
Mr. Ogilvie (pictured left and below) is a well known Scottish psychic, and he's written a book and has a TV series showcasing his ability to communicate with little babies...psychically.
Is that possible?
Ogilvie says yes. He states, in fact, that ALL babies are psychic and capable of telepathic communication. For some of us parents, that doesn't seem too farfetched. I seem to know when my little one is taking a big dump in her diaper. I don't believe it's telepathy that tells me this, however. It's the funny face she makes, the deep furrowing of her brows. Then there's always the smell that tips me off.
In an article in the Daily Mail from 2 years ago, a mother - a self-described skeptic - invited Derek Ogilvie to her home to work with her kids. In the article, she says that her doubt melted after just 20 minutes. I read the article very carefully, and personally, I didn't see anything that would indicate to me the mother was a skeptic at all. In fact, she seemed to be trying to conform the truth around Ogilvie's reading.
Whether you believe he's legitimate or simply employing "cold readings," it's still a fascinating possibility. Imagine the cool psychic sessions Ogilvie could have with two of the tabloids' favorite newborns: Shiloh Nouvell Pitt-Jolie and Suri Xenu L. Ronnette Holmes-Cruise.
Ogilvie: OK...I'm connecting with Shiloh. She's very unhappy, unable to sleep at night.
Brad: Hey, that's right. This guy is good.
Angelina: I told the psychic about her crying at night before he came over, you idiot.
Ogilvie: I see the Equator, we are south of it. Somewhere far away. In a distant, ancient, desert land. The cradle of life.
Angelina: My last Tomb Raider movie was called The Cradle of Life.
Brad: No, he's talking about Africa, you bitch. Namibia. Where we had the baby.
Angelina: WE? WE had the baby? Excuse me, Achilles, but I didn't see the doctor cutting YOU open to get the baby out.
Ogilvie: Oh dear...
How about doing a reading for TomKat's newborn?
Ogilvie: I'm connecting with Suri...
Tom: I'm SO Happy! (Starts strutting around as if he's re-enacting a scene from The Color of Money).
Ogilvie: She's very sad...very unhappy.
Katie: She's disappointed I had an epidural? I knew it.
Ogilvie: No...she's conveying to me she hates her name. Suri Xenu L. Ronnette Holmes-Cruise.
Tom: What?! But Suri means "Princess" in Hebrew. It's a beautiful name.
Katie: Yeah, but it also stands for Surrey, England. L. Ron Hubbard had a house there and it's the site of the UK Scientology headquarters. And Xenu? What the hell?
Ogilvie: Suri is also telling me that "suri" means "pick-pocket" in Japanese.
Tom: Well shit, how the hell was I supposed to know that?
Katie: Last Samuri my ass! I don't blame her for hating her name. Why didn't we just name her Suri Xenu Scientology Dianetics L. Ron Hubbard Cultis Maximus?
Tom: Silence! I command you not to speak!
Ogilvie: Oh dear...
I'm hoping The Baby Whisperer gets to communicate with Anna Nicole Smith's baby, once it's born. (You all can make up your own breastfeeding jokes here).