The Phoenix

Friday, January 13, 2006

Head of the Class...NOT! Part 2

Well, maybe this young college student is head of his class. The following is an real question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer was so witty, creative, and entertaining that the professor shared it with colleagues. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed), or some variant. This student decided to go a different route. Enjoy!


First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul goes to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic, and will not freeze.


Blogger Bruce said...

Thanks for this, Phoenix. I know I'm going to Hell when I die, so now I know what to expect.

1/13/2006 9:26 AM  
Blogger DLAK said...

Hell is full holmes, its full of asshole that dorked Teresa Banyan, you must be quite the loser.

1/13/2006 9:52 AM  
Blogger BrianAlt said...

I believe it's both, keeping in a constant state of equilibrium.

1/13/2006 10:17 AM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

Hahahahahaha! I loved that. God I hope someone actually turned that in on a college final. They'd be my hero!

1/13/2006 10:37 AM  
Blogger Grafs said...


1/13/2006 11:09 AM  
Blogger siren said...

That's great! I hope he got a good grade :-)

1/13/2006 11:34 AM  
Blogger KC said...

Funny, funny, funny!

1/13/2006 12:07 PM  
Blogger Kid Jacque said...


1/13/2006 12:32 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

I googled 'Teresa Banyan' and got 130,000 returns -- so this is a story oft told or she's one mighty busy woman!

1/13/2006 12:34 PM  
Blogger Laura:) said...

Lol, what a great sense of humor. I love it.

1/13/2006 12:48 PM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

Yes Jim, and you know what Teresa said to ME ?

" Ben...come hell or high water, I'll be there for you"

1/13/2006 12:49 PM  
Blogger PDD said...

I had a hellava time reading this.

1/13/2006 1:07 PM  
Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...


1/13/2006 2:21 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Phoenix -- Ben is making things up

1/13/2006 2:29 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Questionable theology. Unquestionable hilarity.

1/13/2006 2:59 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Ben, that's impossible. Teresa promised herself to me. So much for her being my Valentine.

1/13/2006 3:14 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

This rocks! See, now I would have been inclined to sleep with the guy who wrote this.

1/13/2006 4:12 PM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

Phoenix, how could she have promised to be your Valentine ?

She was dating,.....oh...what was his name ??

Oh yeah, it was Lou Sipher from down at Weldon's Furnace Works.

1/13/2006 4:50 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Good one :-)

1/13/2006 5:07 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Lou...that bastard. Maybe Hell will freeze over soon.

1/13/2006 5:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

where can i get more info?

1/13/2006 5:32 PM  
Blogger siren said...

Ben & Phoenix..

You're both mistaken. Terri and I (that's what she prefers to be called) have been an item for the past several months. Apparently, things were so bad with Lou she switched teams.

Hell has officially frozen over :-)

1/13/2006 6:15 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Whether it freezes or not there will still be hell to pay.

1/13/2006 7:23 PM  
Blogger Sar said...

I'm playing it safe and wearing a parka over my bathing suit. I'll be prepared either way!

1/13/2006 8:18 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

That is just as brilliant as it is funny. I bow in reverance to whoever wrote that. He deserved an A++.

1/13/2006 9:08 PM  
Blogger Reiki said...

now that is someone who can think under pressure! great post.

1/13/2006 10:05 PM  
Blogger Satan said...

i will keep it from freezing over by adding all of these souls to my home

bruce - mine
teresa banyan - mine
ben heller - mine

im glad you all find hell amusing as you will be staying there for eternity

1/14/2006 1:02 AM  
Blogger Ben Heller said...


You've obviously never been to Wolverhampton, England have you ?


I had a feeling Terri was always going to bat for the other side. Good luck to you both.

Seems that he/she was always "hellbent" on gender bending.

Why didn't you see the signs ? Sorry, I shouldn't compond your anguish. It just seems like I'm forever stoking the fire. I'll stop now.

1/14/2006 9:10 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

I read that somewhere a long time ago. But it was a great read anyway.

1/14/2006 9:51 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Great post! It cracked me up.

1/14/2006 6:17 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

LOl I loved this!


1/15/2006 11:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's clever, but it's an urban legend:

1/16/2006 10:26 AM  
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2/25/2007 12:43 PM  
Anonymous God said...

It is so sad that StumbleUpon's deficiencies allow bloggers to post and re-post stories with words of wisdom like this one and appear to be the originator of the words ... for all intents and purposes it looks like that the blogger is the first one to ever post the story. is truly a way to get to the heart of such matters, with the moderators and volunteers truly performing a sacred mission in investigating what is original and what is ... well, borrowed and, er. somewhat altered from the original. I highly recommend checking the above link. Yours truly, God

2/14/2008 10:57 PM  

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Welcome to the blog that aims to examine the lighter side of science. From the paranormal to wacky inventions, to strange mysteries and goofy experiments, I cover it all. Thanks for stoping by science is always stranger than fiction


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