The Phoenix

Friday, December 02, 2005

"You're Glib!" The Science of Scientology

Tom Cruise has been making headlines lately with his bizarre behavior, more bizarre romance with Kate Holmes, and his outspokeness concerning his religion of Scientology. What exactly is Scientology? And who is this L. Ron Hubbard guy? What is Dianetics?

L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer and wrote many stories from 1930-1950s. He didn't make much money, only one penny per word. He was a college drop out and when World War II came, he went into the Navy. His service in the Navy has been one point of controversy. The Church of Scientology claims that Hubbard was a war hero. Others believe Hubbard was an over-confident wannabe and was dangerous. While in charge of a PC-814 subchaser, he supposedly bombed a Mexican island as a means to get some gunning practice. Oops, the island off of Baja California was quite inhabited, and Hubbard was stripped of his command.

Hubbard was married and had two children, but that whole relationship is even more bizarre than his Navy tenure. He abandoned them and then later denied even knowing them.
Hubbard married a second woman named Sara Northrup, but she divorced him when she found out Hubbard was still married to his first wife. Sara also accused Hubbard of kidnapping their baby daughter, Alexis, and conducting "systematic torture, beatings, strangulations and scientific torture experiments." Hubbard married a third time and had another four children.

It's believed Hubbard studied the occult, hypnosis, and ritual magic. In 1948, he wrote to his literary agent that he was working on a book that would be a big time seller. Hubbard's masterpiece: DIANETICS: THE MODERN SCIENCE OF MENTAL HEALTH published in 1950.

Indeed, Hubbard was prophetic even before writing to his agent. In 1940 he declared, "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion" (Reader's Digest, 1980).

What is Dianetics? The book was a theraputic reference that scientifically and systematically attempts to get to the root cause of a fear, a psychological, emotional, or physical problem. Sounds harlmess enough, huh? Hubbard also believed physical disease was a manifestation of all this fear and depression. To him, sickness was largely psychosomatic.

To Hubbard, the root cause of our problems is our mind...namely our reactive mind holding on to engrams - vivid mental pictures and memories of trauma, pain, and anger. Utilizing a system of "auditing techniques," the person could discover these engrams and deal with them accordingly. Once you free the mind of these engrams and the pain they cause, you are better able to deal with life. (Pictured right is an auditing session using an E-meter, which is really just a crappy lie detector).
So let's say I'm drinking a can of Coke. While I'm chugging away, my brother sneaks up to me from behind and scares the crap out of me by screaming "Boo!" I'm so terrified, I choke on my soda, and I have bubbling Coke streaming out of my nose. This is a traumatic experience, and my mind has "recorded" this moment in every last detail. And so it's become a negative engram. Now, whenever I see a can of Coke, suddenly I feel very fearful and useasy. If I were to go through the series of auditing techniques, I would be able to again enjoy a can of Coke...free of my fearful engram.

Dianetics was a bestseller, despite scientists denouncing the book. Hubbard even set up Dianetics Foundations all over the country, trying to sell auditing aids and technologies. Eventually his foundations went bankrupt. Hubbard decided to use his "religion angle" to stay afloat. He expanded the practices of Dianetics into Scientology. Here is the origin of life on Earth according to Hubbard:

75 million years ago, there was an alien ruler named Xenu. He ruled over every planet in his galactic corner of the universe, including Earth - which was called Teegeeack at the time. All 76 planets under his rule were so over-populated, Xenu called in all the billions of citizen for a tax audit, but instead injected them with alcohol and and glycol to render them unconscious. Then he placed all the people onto these gigantic ships and sent them to Teegeeack (Earth) near volcanoes. Xenu then sent nuclear bombs into the volcanoes, killing everyone.

There, overpopulation problem solved!

But it doesn't end yet. The soul (Thetan) of each being lived on. Xenu used magnetic beams to caputre all the Thetans, and forced the Thetans to view brainwashing films. These films "implanted" all kinds of false ideas and phobias, making the Thetans afraid and pretty much useless. These implanted ideas included stuff about God, Christ, religion, heaven, and hell. There were a few bodies that survived all the explosions, so the Thetans inhabited the remaining bodies.

Yes, that's right...today we are all infested with fearful souls of murdered aliens. By utilizing the skills in Dianetics and Scientology, we are able to remove these Thetans and free our minds and bodies. But there is a catch...how much money you got in your bank account?

The systematic process is a well documented one. You have to go through a "Clearing" process first. This could take many many sessions, as well as many many dollars. Then you're ready for the "Operating Thetan" levels, or OT. There are different OT levels, going up to level VIII. What level is Tom Cruise at? Why, Maverick is an OT VII. How much has he spent getting there? Lots and lots.

So now you understand why the Church of Scientology goes after famous people - they have deep pockets. Here's just a miniscule sampling of famous Scientologists:

John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Anne Archer, Priscilla and Lisa Marie Presley, Juliette Lewis, Leah Rimini (from King of Queens), Beck, Chick Corea (jazz and music composer), Chaka Kahn, Brandy (R&B singer), and Courtney Love is not officially a member - she's just a groupie.

There are about 75,000 Scientologists worldwide - 53,000 of them here in the U.S. The Church of Scientology claims 8 million members, however. Also, out in New Mexico, Scientologists have created an underground vault, home to all of Hubbard's written works. At the site, there is a gigantic symbol carved into the desert ground that's even visible from space (pictured right). These markings are a guide for returning members that will return in flying saucers...back to Scientology after they reincarnate on other planets, thousands and millions of years from now.

Remember, the next time you are angry, depressed, or you hurt others, just blame it on those pesky Thetans that possess your body. Hey, not everyone has a big enough wallet to exorcise murdered alien souls. Damn these engrams!

27 Comments:

Blogger Kid Jacque said...

Thanks for the information. I have always wondered what that stuff is all about.

Sounds pretty weird to me!

12/02/2005 4:43 PM  
Blogger Grafs said...

Okay...How does someone fall for this crap? I hate Tom Cruise more every day. Oh, and War of the Worlds? Stinker.

12/02/2005 5:15 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

Thanks for the information. I always wondered what it was about.

12/02/2005 7:19 PM  
Blogger Anhoni Patel said...

Scientology has got to be one of the freakiest religions ever. But then again: aren't all religions freaky? A lot of addicts turn to Scientology. It's helps them deal, I guess. Maybe thinking about the aliens allows them to not think about themselves and all their freakin' problems. I would like to say the whole Thetan-alien thing is supposed to be a metaphor, but I don't think that's how it's seen by the Scientologists.

12/02/2005 7:55 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

I LIKE my Thetans... they talk to me.

Just kidding. Once I had this conversation with an intense man who approached me:

Him, "See, you might have memories you don't recall..."
Me, "What do you mean?"
Him, "Like memories of your childhood and..."
Me, flabbergasted, "You don't remember your childhood?!"
Him, "YES! Things that could have hurt you that you don't remember..."
Me, "No, I'm pretty sure I remember my childhood."
Him, clearly getting frustrated, "But you don't know until..."
Me, "No, I remember."
At that point he gave up talking and flashed a Dianetics book at me. There ended our conversation.

12/02/2005 8:10 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

The whole Xenu thing is literal, not metaphoric. That's what's so freaky.

12/02/2005 8:42 PM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

I read Battlefield Earth in high school and considered it one of my favorite works of sci-fi but then his followers turned it into the biggest pos sci-fi film of all time. I thought Dianetics was a bunch of hooey then and Scientology is a bunch of hooey now. Hubbard was a modern day P.T. Barnum proving that there is a sucker born every minute no matter how much money they have.

12/02/2005 9:53 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Great summary once again, Pheonix!

Scientology is manifestly evil. Not only is it an intentional construct designed to fleece the unsuspecting on the basis of a lie, it preys on the weak and vulnerable in society. While there are a few big names involved, most of the moeny actually comes from 'normal' folk who are emotionally weakened for some reason.

I've had dealings with these guys and helped 'deprogram' a young fellow -- to an extent. Three or four years later he did what so many Scientologists do ... committed suicide.

12/02/2005 10:29 PM  
Anonymous james said...

Ah those crazy Scientologists!

12/03/2005 8:09 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Oh, I'm totally fascinated by the whole scientology thing. (I must emphasize that I am NOT one) It's absolutely amazing that so many people are so wrapped up in this.

12/03/2005 10:30 AM  
Blogger Bruce said...

Two words: Jim Jones.

12/03/2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger KC said...

I've never understood why any one would be attracted to this organization. But then again, I don't know why people are attracted to any time of organized religion. Why not just believe your very own version of religion instead of joining an organization? Or is it because people feel the need to mix their religion with a social environment?

12/03/2005 12:54 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

So that means I can blame everything on my "inner alien"?

LOL... what a bunch of freaks.

That was a really interesting post, Phoenix, thanks for the info.

12/03/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Oh yeah, I read somewhere recently that Tom Cruise wants Katie to have what the scientologists call a "silent birth", because they believe that any noise can traumatize the baby mentally. So she's supposed to keep her mouth shut during the pain of natural labor (no drugs - against policy, too!)

I'd love to see that f*cker pass a bowling ball out of his penis and not make a sound.

12/03/2005 10:30 PM  
Anonymous delmer said...

I heard about the silent birth too.

My wife went the natural route -- no drugs. There was a lot of vocalization.

Katie should have a firm grip on Tom's manliness during labor. Instead of screaming during birth she could give Tom a good hard squeeze. We'll see how quiet he stays.

12/03/2005 11:22 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

I don't find Hubbard to be a very good scinece fiction writer. Imagine if someone that had a bit more talent had gone this route?

12/04/2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Before all the press the Scientologists got concerning their core beliefs, one would not hear about Xenu and all the souls and stuff until much later. But by then, the individual is already brainwashed.

12/04/2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Thanks for clearing that up. I thought the Scientologists were the ones that went around doing carpets and handing out pamphlets in the airports.

12/04/2005 7:30 PM  
Anonymous Haas said...

Hey cool, now I know I can always blame the... hmmm the 'Thetans'. Damn wouldnt have guessed we all are possesed :P

12/05/2005 12:00 AM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

I always wondered why the "religion" was started.

12/05/2005 8:50 AM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

There is a church of Scientology here in Columbia, Missouri.

12/05/2005 12:29 PM  
Blogger grrrbear said...

South Park actually did an episode a couple weeks ago where they outlined the whole "origins" of scientology (very funny) but the best part was at the bottom of the screen there was a caption reading "THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE".

Hysterical.

12/05/2005 12:29 PM  
Blogger cube said...

I've always considered Scientology as science fiction...very lucrative science fiction. Darn, why can't I write like that?

12/05/2005 1:02 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

South Park did a very accurate depiction of what Scientologists believe. That episode was incredible, and they did a great job of being both hillarious and informative. With Scientology, you don't have to really poke fun at it. If you just explain what it is, it pretty much does the poking on its own.

12/05/2005 2:25 PM  
Blogger NowhereGirl said...

The SP was classic. Still on my Tivo. Don't get the whole Scientology thing?! Tom is a freak and Karma is a biatch. I predict our friend, Katie Holmes, to have some SERIOUS Post P Depression!

12/05/2005 10:58 PM  
Blogger ObilonKenobi said...

You mean to tell me that Tom Cruise actually belives that the earth was populated by microwaved souls of aliens? He's crazier than I thought.

12/08/2005 10:54 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Fascinating post! I guess scumbags like child muderers are infected with engrams. Yuck!
The Thetans made me do it! Yeah, right.

12/08/2005 11:31 PM  

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Established 2005...

Welcome to the blog that aims to examine the lighter side of science. From the paranormal to wacky inventions, to strange mysteries and goofy experiments, I cover it all. Thanks for stoping by blazingtalons.com...where science is always stranger than fiction







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