The Phoenix

Monday, November 28, 2005

Crazy Canadian Says President Bush Wants To Kick E.T.'s Ass

Paul Hellyer, former Canadian Minister of Defense, says the the United States military is gearing up for battle with aliens. According to Hellyer, Iraq is not enough for the blood-thirsty President Bush - now he wants to rule the universe!

(Ominouis and sinister laughing)

Hellyer has been quite vocal about his beliefs in aliens and UFOs for many years. Back in 1967, he took a helicopter tour of an acutal landing pad in St. Paul, Alberta. I wonder how often that great parking space has been used by extraterristrials...

In September of this year, he has been even more outspoken about his beliefs. He said that he's seen UFOs while out with his wife and friends. Hellyer said the Peter Jennings' UFO Special further opened his mind about what he had witnessed.

Throughout his career, Hellyer has been a big supporter of the Space Preservation Treaty - banning weapons in outer space. Canada, China, and Russia have supported such a ban...however the United States has been reluctant to go along. In fact, it seems the U.S. has been working on developing weapons for use in outer space.

Hellyer believes Bush is preparing for war, and the moonbase project is the first major step towards that readiness. He says, "The Bush administration has finally agreed to let the military build a forward base on the moon, which will put them in a better position to keep track of the comings and goings of the visitors from space, and to shoot at them, if they so decide."

Many political groups have rallied behind Hellyer's warnings of impending intergalactic doom, such as the ICIS - Institute for Cooperation In Space. Hellyer and the others have been working to take their concerns to the Canadian Senate in order to begin to enforce the Space Preservation Treaty and work to halt the United States' plans of interstellar dominiation. Going to the Canadian Senate is about as effective as me going to a hippy for advice on my investments.

Hellyer not only accuses the U.S. of preparing to battle aliens, but that the government has covered up any evidence pertaining to the existence and visitations of alien beings - including the whole Roswell Incident. He says of Roswell: "The classification was, from the outset, above top-secret, so the vast majority of U.S. officials and politicians, let alone a mere allied minister of defense, were never in-the-loop."

The U.S. could never leak such highly classified information...never! I just can't imagine our government accidentally leaking information to the public, so Hellyer MUST be right.

Despite all the effective and air-tight U.S. cover ups, Hellyer's main concern is the possibility of war with aliens. He believes such a battle could ultimately destroy the Earth. "I'm so concerned about what the consequences might be of starting an intergalactic war, that I just think I had to say something. The United States Military [is] preparing weapons which could be used against the aliens, and they could get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having any warning."

I'm sorry, but the image of Canadian Mounties flying Gravatron Hovercrafts and blasting aliens just flashed before me...oh Dear Lord that's funny.

At first, I found Hellyer's claims of such a conspiracy to be comedic at best. However, after further investigation, I'm beginning to believe the former Defense Minister. In all honesty, I really do believe the Roswell Incident was a major military and government cover up. And the evidence of military plans to build a base in outer space to be used as a major point for destroying aliens have recently surfaced.

On the dark side of the moon, the United States military is currently building a weapon of such magnatude, it's easy to assume that interstellar domination is the U.S.'s motive in building such a thing. Here's a picture of the U.S. latest secret weapon:

By the way, you-would-be-alien-invaders, never underestimate the power of the Darkside.


Blogger Anhoni Patel said...

I love the Canadians.

11/28/2005 10:36 AM  
Blogger KC said...

I love this post! I laughed until tears ran down my face. Keep it up!

11/28/2005 11:28 AM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

With our new weapons, the e.t.'s will know resistance is futile.

11/28/2005 1:26 PM  
Blogger PDD said...

I bet Paul Hellyer made more money than you and I put together.

At quick glance that Hellyer looks like Steve Martin.

E.T. phone home.... I'm getting worried.


11/28/2005 3:43 PM  
Blogger NowhereGirl said...

Darkside is RIGHT. Amen!

11/28/2005 4:08 PM  
Blogger Keshi said...

lol ur posts r extremely funny Phoenix!


11/28/2005 6:56 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

The song "Blame Canada" from South Park, should be playing in the background while your readers go thru this post.

11/28/2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

In all honesty, I love Canadians. I have some family in Toronto, several of my good friends have been from the Great North.

I love to tease my Canadian buddies, so thank God they all have a great sense of humor!

One of my earliest posts was about Canadians launching ice rockets at the U.S. Here it is:

11/29/2005 9:05 AM  
Blogger cube said...

So, when is the US invading Canada?

11/29/2005 9:11 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

The US has been invading Canada for decades. Ever heard of "brain drain?"

We'be been stealing the best and brightest, particularly in the medical fields, from our northern ally.

We even stole Alanis Morsette...she became a US citizen last year!!!

11/29/2005 9:20 AM  
Blogger PDD said...

Next, U.S will steal our water.

11/29/2005 11:24 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

That last pic is GREAT! But you gotta imagine him breathing hard and mixing up his words to get the full effect.

11/29/2005 1:17 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

That was funny, Phoenix.

And you're right about Canadian medical personnel working over here, when I worked at a Detroit hospital, I worked with a LOT of nurses who crossed the border. And one of my current managers is Canadian, too.

But they say that the technology and learning environment here is better, and that's one of the reasons that they do it.

11/29/2005 1:20 PM  
Blogger Mojotek said...

laurie: Interesting to hear that. You hear all this about universal healthcare being the end-all be-all, and then in a country where its supposed to be successful you have a huge exodus of medical personnel.

Not that I don't hate private healthcare right now, but interesting to hear how the alternatives are doing.

11/29/2005 1:27 PM  
Blogger kim said...

Dude! Get out of my head! I was working on a post about that last night! Of all the things you could accuse George Bush of....

Ironically, I have Netflix shipping me Canadian Bacon tonight.

Does it frighten anyone else that this guy used to be the Defense Minister?

11/29/2005 1:56 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

The taxes make it expensive to practice medicine in Canada. The average Joe pays 48% of their income in taxes. Imagine what the tax rate is for a well-to-do doctor!
Also, universal healthcare isn't all that perfect either. Here in the States, you hurt your foot and you can get an MRI done immediately.
In Canada, many times the wait can last weeks or months. Average wait for surgery or specialist treatment in Canada: 18 weeks.

And the system is going broke.

Sorry to steal your thunder kim (again). How many times has this happened???

11/29/2005 2:18 PM  
Blogger PDD said...

Pheonix, you're absolutely spot on!

The line ups to see a fucking doctor lasts eons because everyone takes advantage of the system. Someone has a little cough - off to the doctors they go. Someone has a little sniffle - off to the doctors they go. It's rather ridiculous. And we pay all of this money so some Bozo named Paul Martin and the rest of his clan can buy cocktails with it. It's gotta stop. We pay way too much in Tax and it's got to stop!

I think I'm going to move in with Shlonglord. He can teach me a thing or two by a swing.

11/29/2005 3:12 PM  
Blogger Grafs said...

Sweet! Moon base! I have a feeling it would be fodder for any invading group, just like in the movies :)

11/29/2005 3:27 PM  
Blogger ObilonKenobi said...

Wow. This guy's a kook! Although I have to say the Candian Defense Minister is about as rediclous as Underwater Basket Weaving. I happen to agree that we should keep an eye out for dangerous invaders. Just look at the current administration!

11/29/2005 5:41 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

phoenix -- you and I know exactly what this means -- MODOT will be closing inter-galactic space for two to three years while they rebuild the time-space continuum on a design-as-you-build basis

11/30/2005 2:36 AM  
Blogger cube said...

And you want to move to Canada?

BTW if you're referring to Pres. Bush as Darth Vader, it would be, "Don't misunderestimate the power of the dark side" ;-)

11/30/2005 9:43 AM  
Anonymous delmer said...

Someone just had the title to the Moon up for auction on E-Bay.

I should have bid on it.

The rent from even one military installation would certainly pay for my kid's braces.

11/30/2005 10:15 AM  
Blogger :P fuzzbox said...

Maybe a better Bushism would work. Intergalactic Strategery.

11/30/2005 10:16 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Could you imagine Bush trying to intimidate the aliens?

"You mess with us...we'll fire our nu-cu-ler missiles at you!"

11/30/2005 12:12 PM  
Blogger Reiki said...

Phoenix, the mispronuciation of the word Nu-Cu-Ler, by anyone - especially the president, is on my all time hate list.

11/30/2005 12:38 PM  
Blogger PDD said...

Diddo dear jane

11/30/2005 1:37 PM  
Blogger kim said...

Phoenix - no worries, I could finish a post on it cuz I was laughing too much. You summed it up brilliantly (and your photo at the end just killed me).

11/30/2005 9:24 PM  
Blogger ObilonKenobi said...

I think of George Bush as more like Jar Jar Binks than Darth Vader.

"Mesa think wesa should stay the course. That's what mesa thinks. Any questions?"

12/01/2005 12:43 PM  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 said...

I knew those canadians were up to no good.

12/02/2005 8:33 AM  
Blogger thebluestbutterfly said...

But Darth Vader goes back to the good side in the end...I am not sure what to think of Bush as far as potential for good...George Bush confuses me.

12/04/2005 3:20 PM  

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