Chip's Weapons Shack
Here at Chip's Weapons Shack, we guarantee to bring you the bleeding edge technology you deserve, the most modern weapons - and all for a bargin price. Whether you're a hunter or are lookin' to scare the bejesus out of your annoying neighbor, we have the weapon for you.
Take a lookie here at our newest, most sought after products:
The PHaSR...Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response rifle. My cousin Billy Bob was able to smuggle a couple prototypes out of the Human Effectiveness Directorate at Brooks City Base, Texas. These beauties just debuted last week. He was gonna do a demo here tomorrow afternoon, but Billy Bob is layin' low right now in an undisclosed location in Tijuana. (There he is pictured at right, crossin' the border and showin' off his Grav-Magna Rifle).
The PHaSR is a piece of modern ass-whipping weaponry. It uses a two-wavelength laser system. Basically, the rifle emits a laser that "impairs aggressors by illuminating or "dazzling" individuals, removing their ability to see the laser source." For our non-technical customers out there, go to a grocery store with those laser scannin' machines at the checkout. Bend over, stick your face into the beam of the laser, and open your eyes really wide. It'll sting, and you might just cause permanent damage to your retinas...but it's fun!
Oh man, the PHaSR would be a great addition to your futuristic weapons arsenal. Also, I highly recommend you also check out our other guns, such as our photon blaster, laser cannon with matching tripod, and sonic wave cannon.
For example, my neighbor, Billy Joe, bought his kid the new anti-matter cannon for his birthday. You can bet Billy Joe Jr. ain't gettin' bullied anymore at school.
Here's my niece and her brand new tachion blaster rifle we got for her makin' parole. Ain't she cute? She's able to both catch and fry the fish, all with the pull of a trigger.
We also got some great imports from those crazy Chinese. You know how those Chinese love to create all those hybrid inventions, like fax machine foot massager dish washers. Check out the new Chinese-Swiss Army laser gun. You can blast rabbits into piles of ash, and then open a can of pork-n-beans. Those crazy Chinese!
Finally, we are expectin' our first shipments of lightsabers next week. That's right, lightsabers! Now YOU can pretend to be a Jedi and slice through your enemies' limbs like butter with your own authentic lightsaber. Imagine the look on some mugger's face when you whip out a lightsaber and cut off his "nuts and bolts" with ease.
So come 'on down to Chip's Weapons Shack, and if you pay with cash, we'll throw in a pack of plasma grenades!
Imagine the family fun you could have with the weapons of tomorrow...today!