The Phoenix

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Squirrels Dig Crack - When Good Squirrels Go Bad

Potential problem or urban legend?

Residents of Brixton in South London say local squirrels are addicted to crack. How could this have happened? Police there have made extra efforts to arrest crack dealers and buyers, and the criminals have resorted to hiding their stashes in neighbors' lawns and flower beds. The squirrels are accustomed to finding their own stashes in the ground, but it seems crack cocaine has replaced nuts.

One local witness told The Sun: “My neighbour said dealers had used my garden to hide crack. Just an hour earlier I’d seen a squirrel digging in the flower-beds. It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot, but it kept on desperately digging. It seems a strange thing to say, but it seemed to know what it was looking for.”

Fellow residents back up this person's claims by saying that they too have noticed squirrels acting strangely and more aggressive.

The RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) had this to say about these allegations: "These animals are big foragers. They are attracted by smell and will dig up what they fancy."

Similar "reports" out of Washington D.C. and New York City have been deemed myth and urban legend. Only time will tell if the South London stories are legitimate. I guess if they see the little furry guys beginning to attack each other in an attempt to "protect their respective turfs," then I would say that Brixton's got a problem.

Reports of squirrels going crazy are not new, and as you can imagine, squirrels are quite capable of finding some sort of substance that affects their brain chemistry. Here a few incidents involving really messed up squirrels:

Drunken Squirrel Kung-Fu...How pathetic. This squirrel has found a beer bottle and drank himself nearly to death. He probably beats the Mrs. at home too.

Gone Postal Squirrel...Apparently, this one has gone berzerk. Is he all hopped up on meth? Just say no, buddy. Put the gun down and return to being the horny little fuzzball that you once were.

Bacchanalia Squirrels...Speaking of horny. Geez, why have a full-blown orgy in the open like that? I think they found Grandpa's Viagra in backyard.

Check out the Sugar Bush Squirrel for more funny pics.


Blogger Mojotek said...

The pictures make the post...

10/23/2005 10:19 PM  
Blogger aiRah said...

whoa. i never saw a squirrel in real life.

10/23/2005 10:25 PM  
Blogger puremood said...

HAHA I agree with mojo up there... We have tons of squirrels around my place...

10/24/2005 6:49 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

OMG! So funny!! Squirrels on crack.....

I love this post.

10/24/2005 8:12 AM  
Blogger KC said...

Squirrel porn. Where do you find such photos? Very funny!

10/24/2005 9:37 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Squirrels are such funny creatures...I wouldn't doubt they're on crack for real.

Airah, I don't expect there are squirrels in the Philippines. You have your flying cockroaches, though.

If you hit the link at the bottom, you will find a ton of goofy squirrel pictures. My favorite is the pope squirrel.

10/24/2005 9:54 AM  
Blogger Rowe said...

That explains why they're carrying around lighters here in Dayton, Ohio.

10/24/2005 10:19 AM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

Oh man, can you imagine what the squirrels look like trying to dry out?

10/24/2005 10:21 AM  
Blogger Em said...

AWWWWWWWWWW!!! THANKS so much for posting this. I love squirells.

10/24/2005 12:11 PM  
Blogger LizzieDaisy said...

Wow... can't imagine life without squirrels Airah. :)

Okay, sending Christie over here cause she's terrified of squirrels. I'm so mean. Hee...

funny post... thanks for the smile

10/24/2005 12:30 PM  
Blogger Raj said...

Man, that was funny! The Sugar Bush Squirrel website is pretty cool too.

10/24/2005 1:46 PM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Rogue Ferrets of the North! I would think a crack head wouldn't drop their crack long enough for a squirrel to find... hmmm... shows what I know. Where in the world do you find this stuff?

Oh, and Vette's, yeah, try the bourbon chicken sandwich... it is excellent (the fries taste better with the hot sauce!).

10/24/2005 4:07 PM  
Blogger Grafs said...

Crack addicted squirrels are probably as dangerous as the bagel addicted squirrels I saw in college. Just don't make eye contact! ;)

10/24/2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger Pixie said...

I always thought the squirrel to be a shifty looking customer.

10/24/2005 6:06 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

I think squirrels can be pretty shifty too...think about it - they hide their stash to survive. How different is that from any run-of-the-mill crack head???

Bourbon chicken...mmmm.

10/24/2005 7:16 PM  
Blogger Meagan said...

Haahaha!! I love it. So the squirrels got on crack because they found it, in their territory, buried in the garden. Just imagine if the squirrels got into that frog-licking high. Know what I'm talking about? (If not, then you probably think this is a really weird comment). :-)

love meagan

10/25/2005 4:17 PM  
Blogger Anhoni Patel said...

I can't stop laughing...

10/25/2005 5:15 PM  
Blogger ObilonKenobi said...

Sqirrel Orgies? Squirrels going postal? re we like animals or are they like us? I remember the time when NYC swuirrels were supposedly going nuts and attacking people. I thought they attributed it to rabbies but I hadn't heard about the crack connection. What's next? Squrrel-Face? The God Squirrel? Tony da Squirrel?

10/26/2005 8:59 PM  

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