Squirrels Dig Crack - When Good Squirrels Go Bad
Residents of Brixton in South London say local squirrels are addicted to crack. How could this have happened? Police there have made extra efforts to arrest crack dealers and buyers, and the criminals have resorted to hiding their stashes in neighbors' lawns and flower beds. The squirrels are accustomed to finding their own stashes in the ground, but it seems crack cocaine has replaced nuts.
One local witness told The Sun: “My neighbour said dealers had used my garden to hide crack. Just an hour earlier I’d seen a squirrel digging in the flower-beds. It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot, but it kept on desperately digging. It seems a strange thing to say, but it seemed to know what it was looking for.”
Fellow residents back up this person's claims by saying that they too have noticed squirrels acting strangely and more aggressive.
The RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) had this to say about these allegations: "These animals are big foragers. They are attracted by smell and will dig up what they fancy."
Similar "reports" out of Washington D.C. and New York City have been deemed myth and urban legend. Only time will tell if the South London stories are legitimate. I guess if they see the little furry guys beginning to attack each other in an attempt to "protect their respective turfs," then I would say that Brixton's got a problem.
Reports of squirrels going crazy are not new, and as you can imagine, squirrels are quite capable of finding some sort of substance that affects their brain chemistry. Here a few incidents involving really messed up squirrels:
Drunken Squirrel Kung-Fu...How pathetic. This squirrel has found a beer bottle and drank himself nearly to death. He probably beats the Mrs. at home too.
Gone Postal Squirrel...Apparently, this one has gone berzerk. Is he all hopped up on meth? Just say no, buddy. Put the gun down and return to being the horny little fuzzball that you once were.
Bacchanalia Squirrels...Speaking of horny. Geez, why have a full-blown orgy in the open like that? I think they found Grandpa's Viagra in backyard.