The Science of Flirting
amazing what goes on inside of us as we mingle, maybe talk to someone of the opposite sex that has attracted our eye. What is the science behind the things we do and the things we say? Humans have engaged in this often comedic mating ritual without much thought as to the true purpose of the things we may or may not be aware of...the true purpose of flirting.
Even if you swear you're not going to have kids, the biological urge to create offspring is the deep down motivator for entering the mating ritual. It may change the rules a bit, but it's still the core of all the unconscious things we do when flirting. Although most people take flirting lightly and believe it's all fun and games, it really serves a vital purpose. It's purpose is to weed out those that simply don't meet your criteria and hopefully finding the lucky one that does.
Upon entering a room, or a bar, or wherever this mating ritual is taking place, men and women already have different ways of beginning the flirtation process. Men typically look around, taking the time to look for several moments at nearly every single woman. Women are much more selective, taking quick glances and only really looking at the men she might be interested in. As this surveying takes place, a 'connection' might be made if a woman singles out a man she might like AND the man happens to notice her matching his gaze.
Flirting can take many forms...and men and women again do it very differently at this stage. Women have 52 different cues to show men they are interested. How many do men have? 10...men have about 10 ways of showing a lady that they just might be 'the one.'
Body language is paramount during the flirting process. Boy, I really take the romance out of it, don't I? Here are a few interesting nonverbal methods signaling attraction - other than the well known and more obvious female hair twirling and male gawking at her body parts:
Tilting the head...this is a woman's signal that she is very interested in the man. It's a sign that she's letting him in, exposing the neck - a very vulnerable area - shows a letting down of the guard.
Copycat...put simply, we like people that are similar to us. A sure sign of interest is when another person is mirroring your behavior. This happens on such a subconscious level, most people don't know they're doing this. They will take a drink when you drink, laugh when you laugh, smile when you smile, and even match your voice's pitch, volume, and tone.
The Mouth...this is pretty much a female gesture. Researches believe it's primarily a sexual signal. If you can't figure out how this is so, then you deserve to be alone on a Saturday night. Biting the lip, showing the tongue, licking her lips, touching her front teeth - these are definite attraction cues. Why do you think women wear lipstick?
Manly Ways...men are very simple and their signals are likewise. A man might try to show his masculinity by rough-housing with his buddies. A guy may spread his legs when sitting oppostite of their date and squeeze his glass or roll it side to side because he's thinking about the woman's breasts. The more obvious sign would be him talking to your breasts instead of looking up into your face. I'm sure the ladies love that.
Although context will differ from country to country and society to society, researches have found that these and other flirtatious signals are generally universal. The nonverbal signals for flirting is "part of a natural sequence for courtship worldwide," says Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of The Anatomy of Love "Mothers don't teach this to their daughters." Even across animal species, flirting and the whole courting ritual is such a vital part of survival - from bucks slamming their antlers into each other to peacocks showing off their feathers, the animal kingdom is full of all kinds of flirting.
Pick up lines from men are both entertaining and idiotic. The world of flirting has become more sophisticated, and the following are things that should NOT be said....unless you want to be slapped, laughed at, and left alone on a Saturday night:
"Hey those are great pants - do you think I could get into them?"
"Hey there, how would you like to wear those clothes to work tomorrow?"
"If you were a booger, I would pick you first."
"I may not be the best looking one in here, but I'm the only one talking to you."
"Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package."
"I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. How about you?"
"I like girls with one eyebrow. Two eyebrows just seems one too many."
"Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway."
And the worst line ever:
“My love for you is like diarrhea—I just can’t hold it in!”