The Phoenix

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

"Stupid Is As Stupid Does"

Every year, the Darwin Awards honors those martyrs who push mankind's evolutionary progression by ridding the global gene pool of their inferior genes. In other words, these people meet their own demise by their own stupid acts, thus strengthening the human genome.

So far, for 2005, three Darwin Awards have been handed out. Here are two of them:

January, 2005 in Pendang, Thailand...Mr. Prawat happened to be going by a Buddhist temple. He saw five performing elephants chained to trees beside the building. Mr. Prawat, being either bored or stupid - probably both - decided to play a fun game with one of the Indian elephants. While the trainer was still inside applying for an entertainment permit, Mr. Prawat offered one of the elephants a sugar cane stalk. As the elephant made a move for this tasty treat, Prawat teasingly pulled it away. He played this fun game over and over again. After one more denial of this sugary snack, the elephant attacked Prawat - it's tusks ran through Prawat's stomach, and the "Elephant Teaser" quickly died.

January 3, 2005 in St. Maurice, Switzerland...A Swiss Army unit had just finished live ammunition drills. The shooting instructor ordered the soldiers to secure their weapons for a break.
The 24-year-old second lieutenant, in charge of this unit, had a brilliant idea - demonstrate a surprise knife attack on one of his own soldiers while the unit had their guard down. Flashing his Swiss bayonet, he sprang towards one of his men. Ah-ha! However, just a couple days ago, the instructor taught the soldiers to release their guns' safety as to be prepared to shoot at any moment. The surprised soldier, seeing his own lieutenant leaping toward him with a knife, fired his gun just as he had been trained and killed his commanding officer with one fatal shot.

Here is one that received a Darwin Award in 2004:

November 2, 2004 in Portland Oregon...Dianne had 22 years experience as a bus driver. On this day, she was running a bit late and nature was calling. As the last of her passengers got off her bus, she hurried out to go to the bathroom and left the bus in gear and engine running. Nothing wrong with that, right? The bus had safety brakes, the brakes would keep the bus from moving as long as the doors were open. Dianne came around the bus, reached in from the driver's window, and hit the lever to shut her bus' doors. While she crossed the front of the bus to go to the ladies' room, the bus slowly began to move forward. The 25,000 pound behmoth slowly inched its way towards Dianne. She could have done the moonwalk while singing "Beat It" and still have gotten out of the bus' way. Instead, she decided to use her superpowers to stop it. With arms stretched and a grunt louder than a constipated karate master, she gathered all of her stength to stop the bus. Well, the bus did finally stop...with Dianne's lifeless body found by paramedics underneath.

Remember Darwin's law of "survival of the fittest." And don't worry about those that are least fit. Perhaps they will eventually abandon the gene pool by their own hands.

"Quick, put your lighter next to my butt.."


Blogger Gambl0r said...

Hehehe. I love the Darwins!

9/15/2005 5:57 AM  
Blogger siren said...

You know these people have reproduced though.

9/15/2005 7:06 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

It's seems the "least fit" individuals reproduce more, for some reason. Almost as if they know their offspring's survival is pretty much against all odds.
Like seahorses...they give birth to 100 newborns.

9/15/2005 7:55 AM  
Blogger KC said...

I'm a big fan of the Darwin awards. Definitely proves that truth is stranger than fiction. Another "oddity" that I love is the Bulwar Lytton writing awards. You know -- "it was a dark and stormy night..."

9/15/2005 10:52 AM  
Blogger Prahalathan said...

Ha ha Great Post!
Nice Blog!
Keep BLOGging!!
Visit my blogs Sometime...

9/15/2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Is it just me, or do I get the feeling Prahalathananahathalananthalalannahannabanna didn't really read my blog at all?

Self-promotion at it's worst.

9/15/2005 12:24 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...


9/15/2005 1:43 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

I know a guy who has backed into the same electric pole* three times, doing significant damage to his car each time, I say we have him castrated.

* the ople is across the street from his driveway, he hits it, with force, when he backs out.

xnmfour<--highest score ever for a bunch of white guys playing soccer - Xavier of New Mexico 4

9/15/2005 3:28 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

I don't think we have to castrate him. One of these days, he's going to electrocute himself. His insurance company should drop him, or maybe he should move his house away from this pole.

9/15/2005 4:32 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

his wife emasculated him years ago so castration would probably be redundant -- probably why he is so aggressive in the car, and anxious to leave home.

jdxhsbsz<--world's dumbest personalized license plate

9/15/2005 4:44 PM  

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