The Phoenix

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Prevent Alien Abduction And Thought Control...For $35

Are you one of the thousands, perhaps MILLIONS, of individuals being abducted by aliens? Are aliens able to tap into your mind and control your thoughts and actions?

If so, the solution for you is THE THOUGHT SCREEN HELMET.

Michael Menkin's creation, the Thought Screen Helmet, has proven to be the only effective defense from alien mind probes. It is simple to make and relatively inexpensive to purchase all the materials to create one for yourself. The helmet is NOT available in stores or even online. You must custom make one for yourself or loved ones suffering from alien thought invasion and abudction.

Why are aliens controlling our minds? Abducting humans? Simple - world domination. They have been planning on replacing Earth with alien-human hybrids. Part of their strategy is to utilize our own people against us - by mind control. The Thought Screen Helmet is the only KNOWN method of thwarting alien attempts to invade our brains...and it's the first step towards defending our planet from these invaders.

The helmet is simple to make. Materials include: a hat that covers your entire head, strong tape, and 3M Velostat. The Velostat is crucial, and is the material that keeps the alien's mind controlling away from your brain.

Do NOT confuse this technique with the AFDB technology - Aluminium Foil Deflector Beanies, as seen in the move Signs. This does not work against alien technology. However, many profess it is effective against simpler mind controlling techniques like those coming from Multi-Level Marketing Pyramid Schemes.

John Locke (pictured left) is just one abudctee that has found the Thought Screen Helmet to be a complete success: "Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity."

How often you wear your Thought Screen Helmet depends on your specific situation. Are aliens abducting you or entering your mind at all times of the day? If so, then you should be wearing your helmet ALL THE TIME. Also, if this is your situation, I recommend creating a hat that is very "everyday" and won't attract attention from others. Maybe you only need to wear it at night. Mr. Menkin reports that no one has been abudcted while wearing the helmet. There is testimony from individuals that had their helmet either taken or tampered with while not being worn. Make sure to guard your Thought Screen Helmet.

PLEASE, if you are under the control of alien thoughts or are being abducted - go to Mr. Menkin's website right NOW (Mr. Menkin is pictured left wearing his helmet). There, you will find detailed instructions on constructing your own Thought Screen Helmet. It only takes 3-4 hours to put together. Do it right this moment, because even one more day is too much suffering at the hands of these alien intruders.


Blogger Chicken Little said...

I'd laugh my ass off if aliens wanted to steal my thoughts. But the other stuff aliens do to people sounds interesting.

9/18/2005 10:15 PM  
Anonymous the weirdgirl said...

OMG, the aliens HAVE been bothering me quite a lot lately! I'll have to build me one of these beauties.

I hope it doesn't give me helmut hair.

9/19/2005 2:27 AM  
Blogger Pixie said...


This reminded me of the "Time Machine" they bought online in Napoleon Dynamite LOL...

9/19/2005 7:25 AM  
Blogger siren said...

Maybe he should have a line of gear to protect other places aliens probe.

9/19/2005 7:25 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Chicken Little,
They want to steal your thoughts...AND your eggs.

It will give you helmet hair, yes it will.

This one will NOT fry your groin, I can assure you of that. And no pesky crystals to worry about either.

Any other sort of protection would be useless against alien technology. The Thought Screen Helmet will protect you from abduction - period! So there will be no further need to protect said "other areas."

9/19/2005 7:34 AM  
Blogger Chicken Little said...

I have old eggs. So they're welcome to them, I sure don't plan to ever use them again.

9/19/2005 11:53 AM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Interesting, no other MEN are posting a comment...

Maybe they are under the control of aliens already.

9/19/2005 12:00 PM  
Blogger Doug Worgul said...

Awesome. Thank you.

9/19/2005 12:08 PM  
Blogger siren said...


I disagree. Just because you've taken preventative measure to guard against mind control, other areas could still be affected. I still think the "Anal Probe Cork" could be a big seller.

9/19/2005 1:14 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...


The "anal probe cork" does sound like a great idea, but you'd have to line it with Velostat.
(Ahem) the cork, that is.

9/19/2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Phoenix, we have all assumed that you are an alien, it is the only explanation

9/19/2005 4:33 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

I was born in The Bronx...I guess that does make me an alien.

9/19/2005 4:36 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

the Hell Gate Bridge!!!!!!!!!!

9/19/2005 8:36 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Hey, is that near Hell's Kitchen?

9/19/2005 9:16 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

are you sure you're from the Bronx??? the one in NY :)

The Hell Gate Bridge

9/19/2005 9:41 PM  
Blogger thebluestbutterfly said...


10/08/2005 6:52 PM  

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